Craig (there’s a serious side to this post, at bottom):

In the past, I too was of the mindset that “bigger is better” when it comes to keychains. Ended up with what could’ve been described as “BOB on a Chain.” It pretty much covered the “ten essentials.” At best, I was a serious contender for a Guinness World Record. At worst, an entry in Ripley’s Believe it or Not.

Then it became a crutch, a substitute for whatever interpersonal skills I once possessed (which at times needed work, according to my wife). In a new social encounter, I’d purposely, but casually, place my keychain on the table. Its immense bulk screamed, “Look at me!” If the new acquaintance made no comment, he was immediately written off as “clueless.” OTOH, if the response was “Wow!” followed by close examination and questions, I knew I’d met a kindred soul, and good conversation ensued. All the while, I’m beaming like a proud pappa.

But what started me on the road to reform was the day my keychain nearly “kneecapped” me – with an efficiency that would’ve brought a tear to the eye of even the most accomplished of Mafia enforcers. A quick calculation (KE=½ mv2) convinced me my life was in danger. I was reminded of why pendulums were part of the medieval weapons arsenal.

Then there was the time that I got, “Is that a keychain in your pocket, or are you just…?”

Now, on a serious note, I’ve read anecdotal reports of heavy keychains causing excessive wear on ignition switch pins, or messing with internal contacts, all leading to premature failure. Old wives’ tales? Don’t know, but consider the following (YMMV).

From a Mercedes-Benz tech bulletin (wife drove ’02 MB at the time): Keychain Weight: Clients with large, heavy key chains attached to the remote key may experience inadvertent switching off of the ignition.

In some cases, such as on rough roads, the weight of objects on the keychain may overcome the key folding detent force, causing the key to begin to fold closed. The partially closed key may then act as a lever, which can in some cases have sufficient torque to partially turn the ignition switch towards the off position.

In case of client complaints, please ensure that only lightweight objects are attached to the remote key. A new remote key, with a higher folding force, was introduced into production… keys with the higher folding force are supplied by Spare Parts. These keys may be ordered as replacements to help in circumstances where key chain weight may be problematic, although clients should be advised that sufficient folding forces may still be generated where key chain weight is excessive.

On autocare.com: Do not use a heavy keychain. Weight will eventually wear out your ignition switch.”

From candlepowerforums.com: “I've heard “Click and Clack” on NPR [Car Talk] comment on the potential problems of having too much weight on a key chain. Apparently it can definitely damage an ignition switch.”

My keychain now: Silva key fob w/integrated Silva button compass, car key, house key, ARC AAA flashlight and Leatherman Squirt. My Jeep Wrangler thanks me. My right kneecap thanks me.