I am not a phyciatrist, and I don't even play one on TV, but is it possible that this sudden urge to go out and determine you can tough it out has something to do with your job loss? Are you trying to punish yourself because you feel you did something wrong to lose your job, or are you trying to prove you can adapt to anything in order to "show" (Naturally your former employers will not really see the results.) "them" that you are still a capable human being?

Sorry about the questions, but I was a P.I. licensed by the State of Wisconsin, and my training was to see if there is anything to read between the lines.

Bountyhunter

(P.S. And now you know from whence came my moniker.)