I must whistle the play dead and show a penalty card: the words haggis and delicious must never appear in the same sentence.

I say this as one privileged to help prepare the wily haggis for a few Burns dinners as an assistant to a well-regarded player of the pipes and master of the haggiss trade. His secret to a decent haggis? Secret nontraditional ingredients, including spices, and strict instructions to only eat the haggis "piping" hot.