In that case my advice would be to contact the moderators here directly and ask about tips to reduce conflicts or improve your behavior. Or if you haven't had problems here but are concerned, then PM them to just "check in" that you're behaving ok. My observation has been that calling out mods to resolve personal issues on in public setting is a no-no.


It depends on the circumstance. If the conflict is tangental to the thread then often other members or a mod will ask that you take it to PMs since it's not relevant to the topic. In that case it muddies up the discussion. If the conflict is related to or a direct part of the topic I like to keep it in the thread because I feel it's a valid part of the discussion. But if it continues between the same 2 people for more than a few rounds, or starts to become unproductive then it's often best to either kill it or move it to PMs.

Usually I've found misunderstandings are best handled via PMs because it doesn't derail the thread. Then one or both people can return to the thread to edit their post if needed. However, when the argument becomes personal or it's clear the person is raging uninformed or unreasonable (or both) I don't do PMs. The reason is what you've mentioned, where the person has no real intention of trying to resolve the issue, they just want to say all the stuff they aren't allowed to say in public.

I've been in a few situations where on the public forum the person is all "oh, boo-hoo me, I'm so misunderstood and she's just taking it personally", then in private they're spewing ugly, vitriolic and curse-filled attacks which are indeed personal. Usually during a PM these individuals also directly or accidentally reveal that they're lying on the public forum. At best case they're just using it as an excuse to try to browbeat you to conceding their point, not have an actual give-and-take dialog. So in those cases I simply block them, delete any incoming messages, or report them to the mods for abuse. Though in fairness, those situations have been quite rare.


Honestly, that's not going to go well, ever. First, if you continue after someone says drop it you're being disrespectful, since they've already expressed a limit or boundary and you're ignoring it. If that person is a mod then you've set yourself up for probation or banishment.

Second, your time online will likely be much more enjoyable if you learn to recognize the situations where you have to "agree to disagree", as well as recognize the individuals who either cannot be reasoned with (due to ignorance or emotional issues) or don't wish to resolve the situation (out of hatefulness, spite, trolling, or simply an inability to admit they're wrong).

Just some thoughts. I haven't been on this particular forum long so I can't speak for your time here. That's just based on the past decade or more of other internet use.