It had been building for all of 2008, I was President of the company, I had been a Lieutenant, and I, like all the other officers, had issues with the Chief's lack of ability to delegate and collaborate on the scene. I stepped out of the Lieutenant post mid '08. Stayed on as President of the company, with intentions to drop back to Treasurer in '09, assuming also that Chief would not be re-elected.

Unfortunately, nobody wanted Chief and for a month, we didn't have a candidate. With great reluctance, the membership voted him in for a 4th one-year term this month.

Tonight, a long-simmering dispute over how to finance the replacement of an engine boiled over, the culmination of three years of frustrating arguments and situations on the fireground. I decided that I wasn't able to do a 4th year with this Chief on the scene or at the firehouse. With a hearty stream of expletives and a dramatic tossing of a pile of paper, out the door I went.

When I came home, I turned off my pager. Unless you've been a volunteer firefighter, you have no idea how hard that is. Here I am one of a few rescue medics and extrication specialists in an area where the majority of calls are for car wrecks and tonight, if someone calls 911, I'm not coming. I'll still get the text message dispatch and if the wind is right, I'll hear the siren.

My wife says she "can't imagine" me not running emergency calls, and to be honest, I can't either. But respect and dignity count for something, and I can only hope that I'll be able to connect with another company (I'm equidistant between three companies) and get back to it.

I feel exactly like I have after a breakup of a long-term romance, possibly worse.