1. Toilet seats. Nothing is funnier than a sleepy guy lifing both the lid AND the seat and sitting down on the cold porcelain.

1. Long hair. Women who have to take care of a man don't have time to take care of long hair. It's one or the other.

1. Birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day. They are tests to see if you can remember ANYTHING that doesn't involve sports, cars or breasts. You have failed to recognize your own mother!

1. If it was sports just on Sunday, we wouldn't mind. It's all those sports on the other days that follow it.

1. Sometimes we're not thinking about you, either. Or listening. It's an act. We're just better at it than you are.

1. Anything you said 7 days ago is null and void? You don't even remember what you said 7 minutes ago!

1. Christopher Columbus was looking for India when he ran into San Salvador... on the third try.

1. You can recognize 16 colors???? WOW! We thought it was six, tops!

1. How can navel lint be that interesting?

1. All those questions we ask are just tests. You current score is -586,925.

Sue (just couldn't resist!)