#93177 - 05/01/07 06:30 PM
Fear of being Alone
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Journeyman
Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 80
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I was reading the "Survival of the mind" thread and kinda wanted to piggy back off that issue. I have read in several survival books (J. Wayne Fears comes to mind) that most people today are never really "Alone", and in sever cases can panic really bad once they sence they are alone. Now I have hunted and fished all my life, most times all alone miles from people, but occationally I will sense some anxiety. I honestly did not know what it was until I read these books and put one and one toghther. Sometimes I will feel a like my chest is tightening, and the air is thick, other times I will have to have a bowel movement. I always thought I was just not feeling well, but looking back; I think it was a sub-consious response to realizing I was all alone. Usually this only happens in areas I am less familar with. I have places that are miles off the beaten path that I have gone to for years, and I feel nothing of being there alone. One time last year I was hunting in a new area, and hadn't told anyone where I was going (Stupid I know) It was when I realized that I hadn't told anyone that I started to have a mini panic attack. I just sat down and started hunting and concentrating on where I thought deer would come in from. I knew I had Water, Fire, sil-tarp, and a few Clif bars. I could stay there for a couple days no problem, but the feeling was still there. I would set for an hour or so, then move 1/4 mile or so back toward my truck, and sit down again. Once I got about 1/3 of a mile from the truck, the feeling stopped. Keep in mind I was not lost, I had a GPS and two compasses, lol I have never felt this when with another person, and I don't think it is an acute fear, more of an unsettling feeling. I just think it's weird that I am 36 and just now am figuring this out. So, now that we have established I am a head case; how do I fix this?
Edited by Run2The9 (05/01/07 06:34 PM)
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#93180 - 05/01/07 06:52 PM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Stranger
Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 15
Loc: Portland, Oregon
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Nicely done! I would say that what you did was a good step in getting to know your true self. Being alone miles from civilization has let your mind express itself to the truest essense and you just got the feel of it. I think, in part, because human beings are socialized beings, we are very much ingrained with the thought that there will always be another by your side...since there has never been a time that that is not the case.
Those feelings, I make of it, are the beginnings into knowing more about one's true self and to do the things you might feel are most natural when you're all alone. Good insight.
And Good Luck
FishMode
_________________________
Murphy's Law is overwhelming sometimes...
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#93182 - 05/01/07 07:08 PM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Fishmode]
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 03/08/07
Posts: 2208
Loc: Beer&Cheese country
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#93207 - 05/01/07 09:34 PM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/09/06
Posts: 2847
Loc: La-USA
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Now you know how a Borg feels when they are first disconnected from the hive.
Like NightHiker, that's the way I feel when I am surrounded by people. During the Christmas Season, I have to have a large Daiquerie in order to go shopping.
Going camping by myself, I have "Roamer" to keep me company. Roamer is a stuffed bear that my kids send along with me to keep me safe and sound (He is the official relief of Baby Mickey Mouse & that's another story). There are some advantages to having "Roamer" along. He doesn't talk too much and he only eats shirts (& poops buttons, but that's another story) so I keep shirts out of his reach. He never argues or tries to nitpick me. He listens very well & agrees with all of my thoughts & ideas.
Only a dog would be better company.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!
_________________________
QMC, USCG (Ret) The best luck is what you make yourself!
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#93240 - 05/02/07 02:08 AM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Journeyman
Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 71
Loc: Spring, TX
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Hi, occationally I will sense some anxiety ... how do I fix this?
It sounds like there is nothing for you to fix. It sounds like the mild anxiety doesn't prevent you from getting out and enjoying the outdoors by yourself. It also sounds like you are properly prepared for being alone. As far as the mini-panic attack when you realized that you hadn't told anyone where you were going, maybe it will help you remember to tell someone before future solo outtings. -Kuovonne p.s. Personally I have always keep a stuffed animal or two around when I'll be "away" from civilazation, or when DH is out of town. Oh, and depending on your religous beliefs, you might never be completely alone.
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#93256 - 05/02/07 03:33 AM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Old Hand
Registered: 09/19/03
Posts: 736
Loc: Montréal, Québec, Canada
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The only way to fix monophobia is like any other phobia like social phobia or agoraphobia or arachnophobia, etc.: by exposing yourself to the situations that make you anxious over and over again and by disputing your irrational believes. You could take it up with a professional if you really want some help.
Frankie
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#93258 - 05/02/07 03:57 AM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Geezer
Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 5163
Loc: W. WA
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You may not be alone with that feeling.
I've read several articles about people who got lost, and everyone wonders why they just didn't stop. But in one article, the guy admitted that he "just panicked and kept on moving".
And I think that would be a good explanation why people don't stop moving. Maybe something like "running away from being lost". Kind of wacky, but it feels like it would make sense.
I really is hard to be alone these days, even when you want to be. I guess when really are alone, it can give you the heebiejeebies when you're not used to it, or think about it too much.
Sue
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#93260 - 05/02/07 04:13 AM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Cranky Geek
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 09/08/05
Posts: 4642
Loc: Vermont
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Humans are social animals. We've spent a long time having someone watch our backs; those who didn't were either eaten or mugged. Those "genetic memories", for lack of a better term, are the ones that got be passed on.
Me, I hate crowds. I get this feeling if there are ten people in a conference room, and commercial aviation is a night mare. But even I need to interact with people. If you don't have people around, you make one, ie "Wilson".
_________________________
-IronRaven
When a man dare not speak without malice for fear of giving insult, that is when truth starts to die. Truth is the truest freedom.
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#93263 - 05/02/07 04:20 AM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: Virginia_Mark]
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Geezer
Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 5695
Loc: Former AFB in CA, recouping fr...
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I don't have a clue how to fix it, but I know that the problem does effect many folks. I was in a Costco the other day, this guy was wandering around with a cell phone stuck in his ear, talking to who knows who, when his cell battery died. I actually saw fear on his face, when he tried and tried to make a call out and couldn't. From what we could hear of the conversation (not trying to, but he was a loud talker), this had not an earthshattering call, just BSing with someone, yet he appeared to be approaching the panic stage, as in "oh my God, I am all alone in this store full of people and my cell is dead"...
_________________________
OBG
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#93316 - 05/02/07 02:00 PM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: OldBaldGuy]
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Rapscallion
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 02/06/04
Posts: 4020
Loc: Anchorage AK
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I guess at this point I must wax philosophical and point out that we are never truly alone nor the opposite. It is really a matter of perspective. We are a product of our conditioning, and as such our perception of our surroundings and the connotation they bring that are purely a function of our own internal notions of how we think things ought to be vs. the way they really are. When our ideal model doesn't fit the reality we find ourselves in, then we experience conflict and discontent, but it is our mind that must change, not the reality of our present situation.
You must first realize what you have control over and what is beyond your control, then decide what needs to change in order to achieve a harmonious and positive perspective. Many people in extremes of existence still find ways to find benefit in their situation. These are inherent talents we all possess and can learn to utilize if we are willing.
Rational fear is a tool to aid our survival. Irrational fear is an insanity that inhibits our survival. If the threat ain't real, then our attentions are better spent elsewhere. As a child, water which was not hot enough to harm, but which was difficult to tolerate, was something I would shy from. Hot water was nonetheless a necessity for the purpose of keeping things clean. I learned in time by confronting hot water regularly that I could tolerate it to the point that sufficiently hot water no longer bothered me. It didn't happen right away, but persistence and a resolute will did overcome my initial deterence. This is a fact of life.
Success in life oftentimes occurs when we overcome our unwillingness to face uncomfortable situations. It is this challenge that sets us apart from the walking dead.
Just a thought.
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
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#93318 - 05/02/07 02:02 PM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: OldBaldGuy]
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Member
Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 172
Loc: South Jersey (the 51st state)
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I am perfectly happy being alone for long periods of time. While I'm not anti-social by any means I an very comfortable not being around people. For many years my work life consisted of me leaving home every week (either Sunday night or Monday morning) and not returning home until Friday. On business trips I would spend time with people all day. Every night I ate at some resturant or another alone. I would take a book or newspaper with me to read. Aftet dinner I would go to my hotel room, lock the door & close the blinds. From that point on I was in "my cave" until the next morning. While traveling it would be highly unusual for me to have a conversation with a seat-partner on an airplane or even with others at the airport. My wife used to constantly ask me how I could stand being alone in various cities all over the world. She just couldn't (and still can't) understand my need for quiet time. If I am home alone I usually have many projects going on or just enjoy reading. While alone I don't have the TV or radio going. I don't need background noise. While in my late 20's to early 30's I was divorced and lived alone for almost 5 years. All of my friends and family knew that just popping in to see me was not encouraged. Many times I just wanted to be alone. A friend of mine cannot stand being alone, not even for an hour. He surrounds himself with people at all times. Quite often he will call and tell me that he has an errand to run asking me if I'd like to come with. It took me quite a few years to figure out that he isn't happy by himself. At least twice a year I'll take a weekend and go camping/fishing by myself. Just kind of recharge my batteris I guess. While on those trips I go to places where it would be unusual to see another living soul. I enjoy that vey much. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
_________________________
Bill Houston
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#93337 - 05/02/07 03:23 PM
Re: Fear of being Alone
[Re: 91gdub]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 329
Loc: Michigan
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As someone else suggested - if you feel the need to get over your discomfort, continue to put yourself in a position of mild discomfort until it becomes less so.
_________________________
"2+2=4 is not life, but the beginning of death." Dostoyevsky
Bona Na Croin
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