My son is not "lost" to be found, but his attention is lost most of the time. I ask him to do something , he may come 15 minutes later to ak me what it was that I have asked him to do ! He is 14 and it is sad that his mother is depepnding more and more on his 10 year old brother and too frustrated to ask him to do anything.

When he was 2 years old, he knew almost ALL flags and countries of the world. That is an examnple of what his brain was capable of. Today he is very bright at school with several awards and medals received for distinguished achievements in math , physics ..etc. but he stilllacks basic social skills.

I am bringing up this subject after I read Martin "go ballistic" post on the missing scout thread. For years I have been thinking my som has ADHD but have always hesitated to consult doctors or go on drugs. I dont trust doctors anmd hospitals much since the bith of his oldest sister, when his mom hads to go through unecessary surgey.

His mother is sometimes embarrased when relatives visit us and he would not even say Hello. That kind of thing. It is isnt that he is rude but he needs to be calmly taught a few times that this is the proper thing to do. Then he would do it.

Martin and others.
My son is a genious but lost soemwehre else. He knows Math and physics, but needs to learn to say "Hello" and "How are you" . He is good and kind, but generally childish in his behaviour. Can you give me a few websites with guides or general info how to teach him life skills.

No drugs or doctors please.
I dont trust them.

If you think you have a serious concern, you should see a doctor. I know a lot of people have a distrust of them, but if your son has ADHD, the single most proven solution is drug therapy. There are various counselling and diet options as well, but you have to watch out for quackery (despite your reservations, the amount of erroneous, biased and dangerous info in the general public is much higher than that amongst medical professionals).

But a first step might be an ADHD patient organisation who might advise you.

I suffer from the same problems ;P

I have a link which may explain what's going on for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOtoujYOWw0

In reality though, I'm not a fan of drug therapy. I've taken MANY different types of drugs and honestly the best thing a doctor ever did for me was help me monitor my diet. Once I started keeping my vitamin levels in check with my relatively high metabolism (specifically vitamin e and magnesium) I found it considerably easier to focus on tasks.

Either way, good luck.

This sounds very much like the way I was at 14, as well as most of my friends. Signs of being violent, or signs of drug or alcohol use should be the big red flags. By all means consult a doctor if you think it's proper, but weigh any suggestions to medicate him most carefully.

Chisel,
Here is a suggestion that requires no physician or drugs:
Have his IQ tested.
Brilliant people have difficulty socializing, and 14 years old is difficult for anybody.
Jeff

Guys.
You have helped me see that it is not a big problem. I especially like Garland diet and vitamin route. It canot hurt.

My son is starting to realize that junk food and high-sugar foods are not good for him. He is shifting very slowly to bran and whole wheat foods and snacks. But again there is another problem with him. He will not eat most of what his mom cooks. She has to prepare a different dish for him most of the time although our other teenage kids enjoy her food.

A few years ago his confidence was so loooooow. He would almost weep whenever a little inconvience happens. But I have found out that "what-if" scenarios were very good for him. They expose him to mental pictures of baaaaad stories and sort of make him less sensitive and wont take every little thing as TEOTWAWKI

I used to leave him at school some afternoons and was sometimes too busy to pick him early enough. When I arrived his eyes were red and wet. And his younger brother - with me in the car - would always tease him about that.

Being a prepared person , I started to think: what if something really happens to me and I dont arrive at all. This kid will just freeze in the school parking and die there.

We discussed such possibilities and we found the best sollution for him to walk (about half a mile) to the nearest convenient store and stay there, call a relative, buy a bottle of water, whatever. And for him to be prepared for such possibilities, he should always carry some cash to buy whatever.

These "what-if" stories resulted in a boost in his confidence. And he is not the psychological black hole he used to be. However, he liked the idea too much and his trips to that store has added more junk food to his diet. It shows that life is not all perfect and our successes are not always complete. But at least he won't wet his pants in the school parking.

He is making some progress, given the rewards that I use as boosters. Now driving the car is another reward he can expect when he shows more progress. But I think that additional dietic and behaviourial guidance will be a weclome help.

More thoughts and ideas are still welcome.
Thanks everyone.

Nighthiker
Appreciate your concern and I have also taken 40 years to realize a few things. May goal as a parent is not to stick a label on my son forehead but rather to save him time and boost his realization of his problems and equip him with knowledge and awareness EARLY in his life. That way, he wont go through years of confusion like I did.

BTW, being less-than-sociable is just an example of several problems that complicates his relation with his family. There are other problems too.

Anywayz, I still may be wrong, and that is why I am putting the question in front of everyone.

Thanks

Chisel,

Your son has some of the classic characteristics of Aspergers syndrome: lack of attentiveness - though a very high ability to concentrate on what he want to do, very high intelligence, a tendancy to be an "expert" on some subject, very poor social skills, "odd" behavior.

I know about AS because my 12-year old son has it. Its not a bad thing or a good thing. Its just the way he is ... much like saying someone wears glasses. When my son was 2-years old he'd memorized entire books - word for word. At first we though he could read, but it was just an "act". Just like you said, my 10-year old daughter has to watch out for her 12-year old brother.

Others who may feel the urge to try to preach to me that AS is made-up or an excuse for poor parenting ... don't bother. I know my son VERY well. I know AS well. It does exist.

The good news (and for some the bad news): there is no drug that will help AS. My son has never taken any drugs for his AS.

Some say that people with AS are "wired" to be the perfect engineers, mathematicians, scientists, or computer programmers - very detail oriented, smart as heck, easily memorizes complicated stuff. While their social skills will make the teenage years tough, he will do just fine as an adult, though some may consider him a little "odd". He'll most likely get married, get a great job, and have wonderful children. I'm pretty sure my uncle - my older sister's husband - has AS too. He is very smart, has always been a bit "odd", and is an expert on collectables - especially old records, but is a very nice guy with two wonderful boys (my nephews), and my sister loves him very much.

Please do learn about AS. I've read stories about kids finally learning that they have AS and being relieved that there is a reason for their behavior ... and that they are not alone. Our son knows about his AS and we are open about it with his friends and fellow Boy Scouts. They treat him much better knowing that he's not trying to be [fill in the blank with words like odd, rude, noisy, etc...]

Here is a pretty decent description of AS characteristics:

Language: Difficulty with pragmatics (using language to have a conversation). They may make irrelevant comments, interrupt, or give long monologues on a topic that interests them regardless of whether the listener is interested. They may require extra processing time to understand conversation. People with AS tend to be very literal in their use of language, and may misunderstand humor or sarcasm.

Cognitive: Good rote memory, but difficulty with problem-solving and drawing inferences. They have trouble "reading between the lines."

Social Skills: Lack of awareness of the unwritten rules of social conduct is characteristic of individuals with AS. They tend to be excessively blunt and honest. This makes them appear rude or obnoxious to others. They have difficulty making eye contact, which can make it appear to others that they are not listening. They are unaware of non-verbal or body language cues and facial expressions, so they have difficulty guessing the thoughts and feelings of others. They have limited understanding of emotions, both their own and others'. Individuals with AS have difficulty grasping the concept of personal space, and may impinge on the space of others without realizing that they are making others uncomfortable.

Many AS children lack the ability to have or show empathy towards others. They don’t seem to have the ability to “stand in the other person’s shoes” or take another person’s perspective. For example, AS children may find it difficult apologizing to another child for hurting their feelings, trying to feel what another person feels, imagining they are somebody else (e.g. a convict settling in Australia), or how they felt during 9/11. AS children require help to recognize the effects of their actions on others and will need to be taught how to identify and respond to emotions appropriately.

Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome tend to be rigid in their thinking and assume that other people think the same as they do. They often have a strong need to follow a schedule and/or follow rules. They may respond badly to sudden changes, authoritarian behavior and anger from others.

Sensory responses: Individuals with ASD have unusual responses to sensory stimuli. Loud noise and certain pitches may be painful. Hypersensitive hearing and an inability to screen out background noise may cause sensory overload or shutdown. Light touch that would not bother most people may be painful to the person with Asperger's. They may "over-react" to accidental or purposeful touching. They may be sensitive to light, and the flickering of fluorescent lights and computer screens may cause discomfort Strong odors can cause problems also.

(My son hates to touch wet stuff and can't stand sudden loud noises or 3D movies like those at Disney World. He also hates carbonated beverages because of the feel, not the taste.)

Motor Skills: Both fine and gross motor skills can be affected. Handwriting, cutting, and drawing may be difficult, although some individuals are gifted artists. Ball-handling and other athletic skills are difficult for most people with AS. Because of these characteristics, people with AS tend to have high levels of anxiety. They often feel overwhelmed with sensory stimuli that are beyond their control and confused by social relationships that they don't know the rules for.

(My son did fine with handwritting though it can look odd. He loves to draw, though seems to have little interest in colors - usually just pencil).

Feel free to PM me if you wish to.

Ken K.

I should also say ... If you son dos have AS, a regular medical doctor won't do much to help your son. We took our son to a psychologist who provided the diagnosis, but there wasn't much she could do beyond that.

I would strongly suggest you discuss AS with someone at your son's school. I've found my son's teachers and special ed folks to be VERY helpful and understanding.

I should also say that there appears to be a very wide spectrum for AS. My son gets by pretty well, but I had another boy with AS in my son's Cub Scout den, and he really struggled. I've read about another boy with AS that simply couldn't function on his own - his mother had to be with him 24/7.

Sounds a lot like #1 Son. Or me, to a slightly lesser degree. If there is nothing to be done about it and there is nothing "wrong" then I'd hesitate to call it a "syndrome" - it sounds more like a personality type, albeit an extreme one.

Funniest thing I ever experienced with was when we invited another family from church over for dinner. I made the mistake of mentioning that my son was interested in penguins at the moment. The father immediately started in with "There are 17 species of penguins, not counting those that are extinct..." The two of them proceeded to converse continuously for the next 3 hours. He later explained, "Penguin guys are few and far between, so when you find one you have to talk shop." He's a PhD Geologist….

Me, I'm an extroverted engineer - I stare at the other guy’s shoes instead of my own.

my $0.02.

my wife's eldest son (25 yrs) may have a.s. - he's never been diagnosed, but the symptoms sure do fit. as do what you have all indicated re: chisel's son.

i think all of the advice is sound - and part of any solution is the identification of the 'problem' as soon as possible.

would second the recommendation to have his iq tested and have him seen by a psychologist. then you may know what you are dealing with. and if it is a.s. - there's nothing to do - it is what it is. and your son can read, study all he wants to help him understand himself. he can be at ease with who he may be - different, but aren't we all? and that's part of growing up.

i suspect he's really bright. and could excel at anything he sets his mind to. like penguins. or astrophysics.

i know my step-son sure is smarter than me. good on him!

good luck w/your little man.

Nighthiker:

sorry, what i meant by my remark was that there's no drug therapy per se for a.s. currently available. for concomitant anxiety or a.d.d., yes.

my point was just as you said better than i -

"once they realize the need to change their behavior it's a little easier for them".

"it is what it is" - they need to learn to live and work with it.

thanks for your clarification.

Ken
Wonderful, wonderful post. As soon as I saw you mention Aspergers (or is it Asberger?) I slapped myself in the head and said "I should have thought of that!" Argh. Kudos to you.

Chisel... for what it's worth, my little brother was kind of the same. Didn't like scouts, physical activity, most socializing. Very bright kid. He came out of his shell in high school. So, like one of the other posts said, it could be that he's just too bright for his own good and peers at this point. But, I think Ken brings up a VERY GOOD point - it could be Asperger's.

And just in case you're worried, the guy that sits in front of me in my med school classes has Asperger's... and his wife likes to brag about it

Chisel,

Your child is not LOST!

I agree with the post regarding Asperger's. Asperger's is under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders. People with Asperger's have high functioning ASD. My son most probably has it. He is eight now. His testing puts him in the genius category but he has a hard time with social cues, social interaction, etc.

Look for a psychologist or speech therapist type who leads a social group. My son is in a "social language group" with 3 other similar developed kids. All are very smart but lack social interaction skills. Examples are talking without really noticing if the person you are talking to is interested, irregular voice modulation, super-intensity in a specific subject matter.

I live in Northern California. Please feel free to ask me any questions.

Hmm, I think I will take a different slant on this.

We as individuals all have our own strengths and weaknesses. I really abhor social/psychological labels, as I see them used as an excuse more than anything.

I've spent a lot of time studying my children, watching how they react and respond when they are in different situations. I've provided a lot of mental and psychological conditioning for them to adjust their behavior, for the most part with good effect. It takes a lot of time because the increments of change are very small, and need to be in order for them to be integrated properly. I've used these same skills to train well-behaved, reliable hunting and companion dogs. I am not an expert, I just keep trying and note what works and what doesn't, then adjust my technique for better effect.

I am a firm believer that children are quite pliable, and capable of learning how to function and act for their benefit and general improvement. Being able to identify a particular trait in my children, whether it is a benefit or a debtriment, is only half the job for me. Figuring out how to capitalize or diminish that trait accordingly is perhaps the bigger challenge most of the time. It is more intuitive than academic I think. You know how they should behave under a certain condition, and if what they do contradicts what is expected, then you go about finding ways to alter that behavior. Sometimes it takes a lot of repetition, sometimes it takes a good deal of force, but there is almost always an effective method that will result in a desired awareness and behavioral alteration.

Not all dogs train up to the same capabilities, but I believe most any dog can be trained to be effective, willing, and obedient. How much moreso a child then.

Training dogs is not an easy thing. It takes dedication, diligence, and a willingness to learn how dogs work. I have a lot of respect for guys like Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) because they've taken the time to learn the skills of how to get dogs to behave and to respond to training, and more importantly how to change the attitude and behavior of the dogs' owners. Based on my experience, I think that kids are much more capable than dogs are. It just takes a lot more work and effort because kids are a lot more dynamic than dogs. Some kids need more drastic measures to help them develop their abilities to understand and control their behavior, which is not to say they need to be handled roughly, but that they need a bigger change in their environment and more control by a will stronger and more developed than their own.

Some people have physical needs that require medication, just as do some dogs. I see a lot of similar results when parents treat their kids as do some dog owners their dogs, the difference being that the unwieldy kid does not get taken to the local SPCA or put in the "free to good home" section of the classifieds or taken on a one way trip to the big woods. Instead, those kids just get labeled or diagnosed and become a social problem later on.

If I really thought my kid had a problem that was beyond my ability to help deal with, then I would certainly be looking to professionals to help me. I am not so proud that I think I can solve any problem myself, that would be foolish, and a big disservice to my child. I would certainly be trying everything I can figure out on my own if the problem seems to be more behavioral.

Chisel, in all you said about your child, I saw nothing in there about physical accomplishments. Does he have anything that challenges him physically? My gut instinct would be to get this kid out in the wilderness and put him through some good physical challenges that also required a little mental work and see how the kid responds. Of course, you will have to be right there with them guiding them through it, but isn't that why we are here after all? I admit I don't have nearly enough information to pass judgement on your relationship, nor would I try, I am simply trying to think of suggestions that might help out with your situation. What works for me may not be of any use for you, so you gotta go with what you know amigo.

Good luck.

ASPARTAME should be removed from the diet. This artificial sweetener was first developed for the MKULTRA project (a mind control project used in Cold War biochemical warfare experimentation) headed by an ex defense secretary then pushed for licensed use for the whole population when he was CEO of Searle Pharmaceuticals. This is a powerful drug used to make populations compliant to suggestion i.e. electronic forms of advertising but has other psychoactive side effects. Hope this helps.

Thanks everyone. You are awsome.
I wish I have put this question much earlier.


Special thanks to Kenk.
You have described my son down to his toenails.



Yep, and between him and his funny sister we are in a circus most of the time. Those of you who missed Laurel & Hardy just see what happens between these two.



Exactly.



Exactly, even with his loving father. This is a subject I am working on these days, epending more time in "his areas" the stuff he likes like cars or whatever. I am trying to help him modify his behaviour while we "discuss" his favorite subjects. Thank Goodness I have similar interests in his stuff like cars 4x4 math ..etc.

I havent heard of ASD till now, and have thought that he had a mild case of autism. I will definitely read more about AS.

Thanks everyone.

Benjamin
My genious son is very lazy !! Although the word doesnt describe him accurately. I almost feel guilty saying (lazy) about him. I know he is a good boy, but sometimes he doesnt jump to help me when I need him . I have to ASK him and then he would come to help. And if his brotehr or sister ask he will be whining and compalining all the time (but that is a typical teenager behaviour isnt it ?).

At times he would take some chores and finish them non-stop. Mostly if he is doing it alone. But many times he wont come out with us in the car for a fun ride. As Kenk has put it he does not excel in football or other such activities ( he does not even excel in taking dishes to the kitchen sink without breaking one or two). However, the main factor that will make him decide to go with us or stay home seems to be how much fun the activity will be. If I ask him to go to a car showroom, he will jump in his pajamas, but if I ask him to come with us to a hardware store , he will drag his feet, and without eye contact will reluctantly announce he is not going. Same for camping and other activities.

In general, he doesnt like to go anywhere where he thinks he will be working hard or the area isnt fun for him. That is regardless of the fact that his parents may need his help (even to select materials and colors for his own room). I have to tell him and explain that we NEED him there to help us.

I love my kid and surely want to believe the expectations of several posters who said he would be OK when he is older.

Thanks evryone

Yikes, I think you just described me. I grew out of it more and more as I got older (and I'm still growing out of it I believe), but I'm still clumsy when it comes to sports (or just following certain tasks, I tend to not think things through completely and then I have to re-do them). I still get bored easily as well, I need to keep busy. However, keeping busy usually means doing what I want to do instead of what needs to get done. I have to fight procrastination.

Hmm, maybe you could challenge his math skills a little by doing some orienteering work (requires a bit of Trigonometry), something like geocaching, but with compasses and treasure maps instead.

If he's into cars, how about combining a work activity with a go-cart trip, or maybe get him into r/c racing and help him build a cool 4x4 racer?

These are just some ideas. I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can come up with things he would be drawn to even though there is some physical challenge to it. The point is to be patient, encouraging, genuinely excited about it yourself, to the point where you will go do it without him a couple times and come back excited and pumped up so your enthusiasm will be contagious to him. When you find that mechanism that becomes irresistable to him, then you will be able to draw him into wanting to try, and that should be the impetus he needs to start building his own drive mechanism.

I had a nephew that was a lot like how you describe your son. He was in therapy, and got put on drugs, and went through a lot until he grew up. At one point I reached out to him by offering to teach him how to shoot and how to hunt. He was captivated, and for a time even willing to help clean the guns, long before we started shooting them. Unfortunately his mother was uncomfortable with the idea, so it ended, and he went on to therapy and a lot of what I considered unnecessary anxiety. Now he is legally limited as to getting to handle firearms (one of the disqualifiers on the purchasing form). Because he was "diagnosed" and treated by a clinician.

I firmly believe you love your kid. I encourage you to be do all you can to help make them successful, even if it doesn't always feel good.

Again, Good luck.

First of all, no one acknowledged the dilbert video I posted earlier as a humorous attempt to alleviate your concerns. For those who did not/cannot view it, it has dilbert going to the doctor's where he is diagnosed as 'going to be an engineer'. The symptoms include a high intelligence but general social ineptitude.

That being said, I find a better analogy in fiction through Frank Herbert. If you're familiar with dune, you're familiar with Mentats. Mentats are very likely the incarnation of people with AS.

I read your list of AS (I've never heard of it) and found it to ring true for myself as well. As stated before I have many of these same problems and have gone through quite alot which I've never really publically stated to work through them. Anyways I'm 26 years old now. I can say that if your son is having social difficulty there are several things I can recommend:

1) Martial arts. More specifically try wrestling or karate. Intelligent people make great fighters, but the discipline of it will help him get control of his mind. It worked for me and has worked for others.

2) Again, diet. Don't go overboard here. The only two things I take are magnesium and vitamin E. I watch what I eat, but do eat junk food. Why? Because most junk food comes from corn meal and is awesome for sustained energy if you have a high metabolism like me. Before I discovered this I spent years being overly aggressive, easily frustrated, feeling physically ill, etc, all because of my hyperactive metabolism. Can't say mine will be the same as your son's but realistically if you tune him into it he'll use that enormous intellect of his to figure it out for himself as he goes.

3) Can't get him to learn social skills? Teach him to learn. For me, I had difficulty adjusting until I learned to learn social skills. Then I simply applied the old 'mind vaccuum' and now I'm relatively socially adept. Basically when interacting in a social environment I for the most part treat it as a vast chess game. It took a while for that realization to click but once it did, I immediately began soaking up how it worked like a sponge. Moreover, I began ENJOYING the challenge of it.

4) If your son doesn't do his homework, stop rewarding him. I had a big problem with this. I found most homework unchallenging and boring. Unfortunately if the habit is not reinforced they will kind of pay the piper later.

So I guess this long winded post there are 3 main topics:
A) Teach him to discipline himself.
B) Teach him to teach himself how to learn.
C) Teach him good habits that reinforce him.

Beyond that, I'd say let him go where the river takes him. I personally suffer from an abundance of hobbies. I get interested in something, have an intense learning period and then maintain it as a hobby. That's how I got into this whole 'survival' bit.

Hope that helps and good luck with your lil'engineer

Well Nighthiker, you are right, kinda-sorta.

This just makes the problem harder. Because I have to seive through his behaviour and ignore what is "typical" teenage nuisance and what is something that needs attention.

I have found the following on the Mayo clinic site. It sure adds weight to the no-drug thing and more into teaching and training:




Treatment

The core signs of Asperger's syndrome can't be cured. But most children benefit from early specialized interventions that focus on behavior management and social skills training. Your doctor can help identify resources in your area that may work for your child. Options may include:

Communication and social skills training.
Many children with Asperger's syndrome can learn the unwritten rules of socialization and communication when taught in an explicit and rote fashion, much like the way students learn foreign languages. Children with Asperger's syndrome may also learn how to speak in a more natural rhythm, as well as how to interpret communication techniques, such as gestures, eye contact, tone of voice, humor and sarcasm.

Cognitive behavior therapy.
This general term encompasses many techniques aimed at curbing problem behaviors, such as interrupting, obsessions, meltdowns or angry outbursts, as well as developing skills like recognizing feelings and coping with anxiety. Cognitive behavior therapy usually focuses on training a child to recognize a troublesome situation — such as a new place or an event with lots of social demands — and then select a specific learned strategy to cope with the situation.

Medication.
There are no medications to treat Asperger's syndrome. But some medications may improve specific behaviors — such as anxiety, depression or hyperactivity — that can occur in many children with Asperger's syndrome.

Chisel,

A book for reference is:

"Thinking about you thinking about me" at Amazon

We have the book and my son has taken a summer course/session/group with her.

and a website to look at is:

asperger syndrome

hope this helps

Chisel,

I don't think it makes your problem harder. I don't see as you need to expend effort differentiating amongst your kid's needs. Whether it is part of one sort of behavior or another, it all boils down to you asserting more control over your son's life and activity in a positive but firm manner and responding to his actions.

Looking at the Treatment list you cite from the Mayo Clinic, it looks a lot to me like what I related in previous posts. Is there anything in that list that you feel is really beyond your ability to provide yourself for you child? Again, not being able to evaluate your situation subjectively, it may be that the situation will require some external intervention/assistance more than just you alone. If so, then I would recommend seeking that help as well, just be sure that you've done your part as well. Things like behavior management and social skills training ought to be part of the parenting package. These were things I always thought were my responsibility when raising my own children. Sometimes it required some "tough love", but you do what you gotta do to get results. Learning how to deal with stress was also something I taught my kids. I don't see as it is much different in the case of AS, except maybe requires just more effort and interactive time.

Keep in mind that diagnosis and treatment by a professional may put a permanent mark against your child as well, which is why I advocate trying it on your own first. It will be hard work, kids always are, but that is part of the deal.

However you decide to deal with it, you will have my support so long as you are putting your kid's success first.

Thanks Matt




I agree with you Benjamin and that is whaty I am doing right now. I havent gone to any doctor and the only thing additional to what I do now is the diet thing that will not hurt anyway.

Later if I see myself on the right track, I am going to read more into the subject so that I can keep an "expert" eye on his development. I can only coach him while he is young enough. When he gets older it is the right thing to leave him to tackle his own problems by himself while I provide advice when he asks for it.

I have all the patience in the world and would stick by his side . The only thing that worries me now - being addicted to this survival thing - that if a catastrophe happens and we need everyone to shift into survival mode, I really wonder how he will behave. Will he - for example - realize early enough that circumtances are not normal and that he has to act quick in a way or another. Or, will he beahve the same way , lost somewhere , not realizing the dangers until it is too late. It comforts me that his younger brother is with him in the same school (and that younger one is a mini-McGyver). But I still worry about him if he was alone in SHTF situation.

Hey, that's the spirit!!

The surest way to find out how he will do when faced with a survival situation is to put him into one of sorts. Get him out of his comfort zone a little, under conditions you can control but he can't and see how well he floats. He may not want to go willingly, he may whine and feign failure, but if it is set up right, it is almost impossible for him to continue in a non-participatory path. It will require some creative planning on your part, and you may have to set it up quite a bit, but where there's a will, there's a way.

Something simple like being 50 miles away from home and the car breaks down, and you don't have a cell phone, or it isn't working (in reality, you can emulate this without actually having to do without a phone, just in case), and you have to get home, or back to camp, or try signalling someone to help you out, etc. I hope you get the idea. Maybe make him responsible for solving a problem along the way, like figuring out which way to go next, or what else to try to start the fire with.

The point is get him in a situation where he is not in control and must react to the conditions. It may seem extreme, but what have you got to lose? Every time he responds in a positive manner, heap on the praise and admiration, maybe even astonishment, but make it genuine. Give him lots of physical contact, and be firm. He can't help but to become increasingly motivated.

might want to have a look at that, typed a bit fast there?