Has anyone gone through midlife crisis?

Do you know anyone experience midlife crisis? I am just curious because I might be undergoing midlife crisis. I want to know how you deal with this issue.

I want to but my wife won't let me. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-Blast

I can only speak for myself, but I believe it natural for individuals to question their position in life many times throughout one’s life. Many of us want to know what our purpose is in life, why things are the way they are, how we fit in with some master plan and if our goals are practical and obtainable.

Satisfaction in life comes from many sources; adhering to a particular religious philosophy/doctrine, family, career, education, material wealth, art, sports and pretty much everything one can imagine. What gives us great satisfaction and peace of mind at one point in our lives may be very different at another. I believe, as we get older, we tend to value relationships and experiences rather then a particular goal such as getting that new house, car, boat, etc. We come to realize that material things are temporary in nature and what gave us pleasure at 21 no longer has the same value when we are 40, 50, 60…

It is natural to reflect on one’s life and examine if one had taken a different path, what would life be like now. Did accomplishing “X” in one’s life, which may have seemed so important at the time, really satisfy us. I believe that the journey is often more valuable, then the destination.

Any crisis can be approached with the same STOP acronym we utilize for emergency situations. Stop, analyze where you are (your resources), set priorities, make a plan and implement the plan, adjusting the plan as you encounter twist and turns.

Life is dynamic, sometimes it seems like the whole world is crashing down around us and at other times, we are untouchable. Both experiences help us to grow, since without challenge we would never learn to appreciate the small, sometimes truly valuable things in life.

Take care-
Pete

Midlife means ONE crisis, I think I get one of those every 10 to 15 years. This is how I became crazy about preparedness a few years earlier.

Time comes when you stop and ask yourself lots of questions. I think if all your questions deal with yourself, its a bit easier problem. If it has to do somehow with your spouse, then Its a bit harder.

The best thing to do is take it easy. Even if you feel it is a must to change things , change things slowly. You have been "stuck" with those things for years and cant hurt to keep them a bit longer. If your spouse is a good listener that is a plus. If not, let your favourite belifs and or hobbies help sooth your pains and help you move ahead at a comfortable pace. Comfortable for you and your loved ones.

Good luck

ummm , wife, yeah

I thought mine was God's punishment for something that I have done. She woulnt even try to understand any reason for preparedness. How about that ?? <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

However, when I regained my brain I could see her as the butterfly that adds color and real beauty in my life.

Without her, I am a cactus under the sun

hmm. there is one problem. I don't have a spouse yet. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I feel sort of lost on yellow brick road to see the wizard.

I don't know which direction to take in life anymore. Is this common problem for men? The job doesn't thrill me anymore.

Kind of a long post....

I'm not mid-life, only 30, but I am single. I started not liking where I was in life. Seemed like all my friends were getting married, or having long-term girlfriends and "saving money". The job started sucking, so one day a year ago in September I decided to start putting a list of goals together. Included in it was getting the hell out of the town I had been in for the last 11 years. It made me start thinking about the future, and hopefully make those plans in the forefront of my mind every time I spend money, or plan to do something. It really made me notice my debt.

Well, I put that nice paper in a pile of paperwork that sat on my dining room table for a long time. Eventually it got put into a folder. I moved to Connecticut and was going through a box of paperwork. There was my list. It had about 5 items, like jogging 3 times a week, be under 180 lbs, pay off a credit card, getting out of town and getting a general class amateur radio license. I had paid off that credit card, and I was out of town. Ironically, my new lease started September 1st. Goal met.

I sat down again today and put together a new 5 year plan. It's a new place, a new job, and all new people, figured a good time to do it. I'd lost sight of the yellow brick road at my last job. I didn't feel I had changed at all in 3 years ( I had been there for 5).

It's not hard and fast, but it represents the things I think are important. On the original list I had like "be married" and other things that tend to just happen. I removed those. Instead I replaced them with things that would make me a better more well rounded individual. Stuff I think I might like, or would be cool to know: Like sailing. I now try to take one certification or class on something that interests me. All the while trying to pay down my debt.

You may want to talk to someone about your "crisis", just in case it's depression. Even if you're going to, I'd say sit down and write out your plans for the next 5 years. Start by writing down things you'd like to do.

My new list of goals is near my bedroom door. I don't know if I made the right decision, but I know I made a decision. People ask me why after living in Florida for 25 years I'd want to move to Connecticut. It doesn't matter, I'm just not in Florida anymore! However, you might want to check back with me in the middle of February. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Congratualtions ki4buc! I commend you. Often times doing SOMETHING is more important than doing the RIGHT thing. Most people do not make any effort as they are too busy trying to think about what the right thing is and the whole time are on their duff.

I think activity can also help with any depression that kicks in as you are too busy living to sulk and be depressed.

Don't knock marriange though. If you find a good person that you get along with and like, go for it! I was successful and had a good business and was out and about prior to getting married. But once I got married, and particularly after I had kids...man, that totally changes your life. And for the better. I don't care how much success you have had before, or how much pleasure, I cannot put into word the feeling you get the first time, and every time, one of your children crawl up to you in bed in the morning, wake you up, and say, "I love you daddy."

No matter how proud I have been of my achievements, it is nothing compared to the pride I feel when my kids said their first word, or took their first step. Anyway, you get the picture right?

And finally, having a legacy to protect and cherish changes how you see things too. My wife doesn't work and I run my business part-time. I make less money than if I were to work full-time, but I do not miss any of my childrens' childhood. A worthwhile trade-off. Actually, the weird thing is I actually make more than when I worked all the time before I gor married. Strange things happen when life is good. And to me, kids make life good.

Ask me how I feel after my kids leave the nest and I may have a different answer, but I don't think so. I have things that I am looking forward to doing then too.

I'm in the same situation -- no wife, not even a girlfriend

mid 50's and frustrated with job and life

if you find an answer, let me know

Erik Erikson, a psychologist, developed a theory about stages in the life of humans. Keep in mind that those age groups are not set in stone. I.e.: its never too late for Affiliation and Love! (he places it in Young Adulthood)
More info here:
http://www.learningplaceonline.com/stages/organize/Erikson.htm

Heh heh , aloha. Lets not fool the guy all the way. Those could be just the same moments you got in the mood and wanted a private moment. The little kid spoils your fun and you have no choice but to swallow your frustration and hug him/her. It happened to me more than I can remember. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

As a married person with kids, and a job that I dont like anymore, and a frustratingly long list of "have to do", its definitely a wish of mine to get away from it all for a month or so. But then, there is those moments that you feel it is really worth it.

My wifes ex husband has a major case of it. In his early 40's he suddenly divorced her, married a younger gal (who now looks about ten year older and 50 pounds heavier than my wife does), joined a motorcycle "club" (they wear nasty Levis, do-rags on their heads, tatoos all over the place, are on a first name basis with a lot of Hell's Angles), spends even more time in the gym pumping iron (he already had biceps the size of most thighs), and has a major combover going. He has been stuck there for at least 15 years it appears, with no end in sight.

I, on the other hand, lost my hair, no big thing, finally got into got the kids out of school so I could get out of a marriage that had died 20 years before, and am happy as a clam all the time.

Guess it depends on the individual...

Buy a sports car, flashy clothes and get a young GF. That is one way some deal with MLC.
I'd say be thankful for what you have achieved in life and appreciate your family for who and what they are and forget about trying to become someone else yourself. Relax and enjoy your life as it is.
People often get divorced, buy the fancy car and party like they are 20 again. It really seldom turns into a better life than the one they trashed! Stick with the good things and appreciate what you already have. Just my 2C.

I believe we are in control of our lives, and our destiny, at least to the point of deciding how to deal with the situation we are in, and in choosing how we face opportunities and hardships. I am 43. Ten years ago I was just starting a new career making $12 an hour after losing my home to fire and my business to blood sucking lawyers. 5 years ago I was running a department responsible for recovering $100 million on a failed project, charging the client about $120 an hour. 2 years ago I decided to see what kind of difference I could make for a people that had been through the ringer, and I went to Baghdad. Now I am in New York, on my way to Brisbane Australia. My wife and child are living in our home in Denver while I am gone. We are not divorced or separated, but happily married. My wife got gastric bypass surgery, a boob job, and a tummy tuck, and she looks better now than she ever has during her adult life. Both my daughters are chasing their dreams, and I am making a six figure income to help make that happen. All this without a college degree, simply doing the things that others were unwilling or unable to do.

I've been mighty lonesome for the last two years. In June my youngest daughter is done with high school and will be ready to leave home. Then my wife will come join me wherever I may be. I suppose if I'd thought about it, I could've done something to relieve my loneliness, but in my opinion it ain't worth the trouble to break my commitment. In any case, I am not a wealthy man yet, though I have a plan that will get me there before reitrement. I expect the rest of my career I will spend travelling the world with my bride, or maybe find a good place we both feel comfortable with and that'll be it. Who knows? The important thing is that I keep a perspective about things, remembering what life used to be like when I had nothing, or when all that I had (except family and drive) was taken from me, or to remember seeing what life is like for a whole lotta other folks in this world that will never have what I've already achieved.

You do what you can with what you are given, and be happy about it, be it dreams, memories or the here and now. Anything else is just a waste of time and energy. I don't understand about mid-life crisis myself. If you aren't happy, you've only yourself to blame, and happiness is also a choice regardless pretty much of the situation. Consider a day in the life of Ivan Denitsovitch (sp) if you don't think so.

This may seem harsh, or cruel, or maybe even cold, but it is advice I offer nonetheless. Whatever it is that's eating you, you gotta get over it and get on with it. Find something to distract your attention enough that you simply don't have time or energy to be blue any more. Maybe a change is needed, or maybe just experiencing something fundamental, something drastic, something that defines who you are deep down. That's what I like and miss most about elk camp. It is one week of some of the roughest, most challenging adventure I've known. It is also the place where my strongest friendships have been fostered. There are few things quite like sitting at the top of a 2 mile hike up a snow covered mountainside watching a big bull elk stroll by while you are shivering and trying to stay perfectly still.

Lots of people make 'big" changes when they hit this point in their lives, thinking that life will be better on the other side of whatever change they've made happen. Big changes that I am talking about are things like getting married/divorced, making a baby, moving to Alaska to build a cabin, etc. Then afterwards they find that the change didn't make them any happier! Now, they are not only unhappy, but they have now committed themselves to something that they can't just get rid of (a baby) or can't recoup their investment from (cabin in Alaska).

I think that one should go out and do something that absolutely scares the hell out of them, preferably something that's not permanent or destructive. If you step outside that comfort zone where you can get the adrenaline going and actually FEEL alive, then you can experience the contrast between where you are now and where you could be. For some that's bungee jumping, or skydiving, or facing up to their worst fear (flying, scuba diving, etc). Others go experience the "other" side of life, like volunteering at a homeless shelter or something that takes you completely away from who you usually are and makes you stretch your abilities.

Change is good!

Being screened for depression is also something to think about. My wife encouraged me to get checked a few years ago when I was in a real deep rut. With treatment and counseling I was able to get up off the floor, get a better job, go back to school, and be able to live again. There's no magic pill, and it's still a daily struggle, but the difference in who I was and who I am now is amazing.

Aloha Chisel,

At those ah inoportune moments, I hope you remembered to put the covers on. <img src="/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I've been through two stages of it. The first one was accompanied by a serious period of clinical depression. After hospitalization, treatment and newer forms of medication I found life to be an amazing experience again.

My second experience was in the late 90's when I realized that my career choice had been a poor one (money doesn't equate to happiness). After going back to school, completing a graduate degree in a academic field that I loved, I became a high school teacher. The intangible benefits of helping teenagers grow up to be responsible adults outweighs any salary for me. My wife and I got off the fast track, found a simpler life and never have looked back.

At 43, I'm too young for a mid life crisis.

You just keep thinkin' that Butch, that's what you do best.

"At 43, I'm too young for a mid life crisis."

"You just keep thinkin' that Butch, that's what you do best."

I couldn't do that. Could you do that? How'd he do that? Who is that guy?

TR

I am avoiding my midlife crisis. I was born in 1960. Each year I celebrate the anniversary of my 29th birthday!

"At 43, I'm too young for a mid life crisis."

"You just keep thinkin' that Butch, that's what you do best."

I couldn't do that. Could you do that? How'd he do that? Who is that guy?

++++

...I can't swim!

To some rather small extents.

Similar to a lot of the "Worrying" I did back as a Teenager! Needless in Retrospect! In Response to all that stuff I back then Read and Heard about "Rebellious Teenagers"! Of which I Knew and Felt myself to be Very Much *Not*! And How "Un-Square!, -the Whole Suggestion and Matter even was! So I went thru my Teenage Years, -somewhat Overly Worrying about this! When I Really Didn't Need to be! (This was that 60s and 70s Time, -when "Rebellious Teenagers" and all!, -were very much Up in the Air!).

And so I Approach Mid-Age now with more "At Ease!" Caution!

Still, I realize that it could be something of a Matter, -and Worthy of Due Addressage.

And there does happen to be at least some "Tads* of this with me!

But I do Duly Address it, -and so Take it in Stride!

I've been Thrown for some Honest Loops in my Life! And this is Largely Behind my very much Not actually being able to have by now Achieved Most of my Dreams! Often "Driving Dreams"!

For instance, -I've pretty much by now Resigned myself to the Facts, -that I'm not in Actuality going to become President, Apollo or Mars Going Astronaut, Airline or Fighter Pilot, Astronomer or Scientist, Master Meteorologist, or Congressman or Senator! Among probably a Few Others. Which would include Spy or Other Position in Intelligence, including Photo Interpretation, -Ambassador, Secretary of State, or Other such Diplomat!, -and Running my own Air Service or FBO! To some extent, -even a Journalist as well ! Nor an Alaskan, Australian, or Canadian Bush Pilot!, -but that would be Great! Not even am I Actually gonna be an Air Force, Navy, USCG, or Army Chopper Pilot !

*But my Loves and Dreams here!, -Still Remain as Belovedly Burning as Ever!!!* Here in my Mind and Heart! I Can and Do continue to Hold such in my Heart and Head!, -if at one and the same time, -knowing that in all Great Liklihood, -I'm not going to any longer actually *Be* such!

But those last parts in the above paragraph are just me! Those Angles are not neccessarily applicable to all Others.

An Airline or Fighter Pilot!, -or just as much a B-52 or B-1 Bomber Pilot or Bombardier, -or SR-71 Pilot, -I'm now *not* actually gonna be!

But I CAN yet conceivably be a Cessna or Piper Pilot!

I've once taken a Demo Flight back in the Early 80s. The Instructor after awhile was Impressed and Confident Enuff with me, -that he actually offered to let me Take the Controls, -in Doing a Turn! I was NOT Pretending or Claiming to be a "Cowboy Pilot" or something!, -I was Very Cautious and Conservative about it all! But Gladly Take Up the Challenge I Did! And towards the end of the Flight, -coming back to the Landing at the Airport, (which he of course did!), -He came out and said to me, -that "For a Beginner, -You made a Pretty Good Turn back there!..." I Pleasantly Welcomed the Compliment, -still Keeping the Cowboy Hat Off!

I *Can* yet become an Interpreter, Translator, or Linguist! A new Like and Love!, -that I have since Taken Up!

Or Greenhouse Gardener!, -Returning back to the "Old Longstanding Loves"!, of a Department.

Something like a Forest Ranger would be Great! But thats in the "No Longer Actually Do" Dept! But maybe a Fish Stocker Isn't! And Do I ever Just Love Mowing Lawns! And other Yardwork!

And I Warmly and Ardently Maintain things, on the Really Being Loving and Nice to Others! / What Life's generally All About! -Of Fronts! For me personally, -Thats a Very Large and Satisfying Part of it all Right There!

And there's Always a Ton of Hobbies, Loves, Likes, and Passions and All to Draw From! Someone should someday Make Up a Fairly Comprehensive List! One's "Click Thing" often exists in there somewhere! But one often Unfortunately just does Not Readily *Know It*!

This is all Good Advice for Retirees, -as well as those in some Measure of Mid-Life Crisis.

I've given some areas of Light or Flippant Contribution here, -especially in the beginning. If you're Dealing with more Serious Mid-Life Matters than I, -Then Please Feel Free to Consult the many other Contributions to this Thread, -that I now See here!,.... [color:"black"] [/color] [email]picard120[/email]

Or Prime Minister, Premier, or elsewise, -as our International Case may be!

This Question here around the Campfire, -has Spun Off from my preceeding post here in this Thread. The Logic for such is inherent therein.

So I'm wondering!, -Who Else here has ever variously Really Considered!, -becoming President!? (Or Prime Minister, etc).

I certainly have! If in large measure as a Kid. But the Heartfelt Dream has Far from Totally Died! Even if I know I am *not* going to Actually be such! Nor am Seeking such!

To What Ways and Extent may you Have!?

How Light? -How Serious? [color:"black"] [/color] [email]ScottRezaLogan[/email]

But you won't be for long!

You're doing the Right Thing though! You'll Deal with that Bridge (to the extent it may even exist at all!), when it comes! [color:"black"] [/color] [email]samhain[/email]

I'd Agree that a "Change Decision" sometimes doesn't actually Work Out! But I offer the Caveat that it *Sometimes* Does! Sometimes Magnificently! I wouldn't just Throw Out all Babies with the Bathwater!

Regarding the Depression as you've had, that you speak of, -Know Please that Plenty of People here are Pulling for You! I Join in that! [color:"black"] [/color] [email]Blacktop[/email]

There could Well be Something(s) *that yopu just havn't Found yet!*. Keep this in Mind! Even if somewhat in the Back of it. Just because one can't Immeadiately See Something!, -Does NOT automatically Mean that it Isn't There!

And Go somewhat basically Slow and Easy!, -as some Others here have suggested. [color:"black"] [/color] [email]picard120[/email]

I guess Nobody has, -or just Isn't Saying! Hey!, -That leaves the Whole Field open to me! Just Funning Around!

I know 1 - 3 People here who might say, -"What!, -You want to be President? - I thought you wanted to be a Dictator!"...(Even if a Benevolent One)! <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [color:"black"] [/color] ScottRezaLogan

Taint no such thing as a benevolent dictator. : )

I wouldn't want the president's job. It's impossible to make your boss happy on that job. Also likely I'd be all to eager to push the big red button.

I'm surprised, you had responses for eveyone else but none for my little dissertation. I thought I was more interesting than that. <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

?Taint no such thing as a benevolent dictator. : )?

I don?t know about that Benjammin, my wife and I consider ourselves to be benevolent dictators <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />; at least we hope we are benevolent <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

Over the many years of raising our girls, I can?t remember the number of times we told them our family is not a democracy, but a benevolent dictatorship <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />, with my wife and I being the benevolent dictators <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

Pete

Now that there is funny. If your young ones are anything like mine, their opinion of our benevolence waxes and wanes, at least until I apply some of that benevolence to their backside. heh heh.

<img src="/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I was Aware that there was a Person or Two, or Three, -that I was Missing, -but just couldn't get around to that all, -"in all that Writing ahead of the (Understandable) Deletion"! You must be One of them!

Something also I've Forgotten, -but would now like to Add to the "Midlife" list of things I could have been. And in some cases can yet be. And that is a Pool Maintenence Guy! This does happen to be, -in the "Conceivably Yet Be", of a Department.

One's got to Look Closely at your Username too! At first glance it looks like "Benjamin", the Name. But its actually of course "Ben Jammin"!... [color:"black"] [/color] [email]benjammin[/email]