Melissa,

Welcome to the forum. I too lurked here for some time before an intro. You will find many new friends and advise here as I have. As others here have mentioned this is a hard lesson in life, yet you have already shown the character it takes to survive. Remember as one door closes another will yet open. Take the oppourtunity and move forward in your lives together.

Best of luck,

kmat

You're right, this is another real life survival situation. In between jobs, I have fallen back on my emergency stores a couple of times.

This is a difficult situation to prepare for as well. You and your daughter will be in my prayers for a VERY long time!

Never give up!!!

Your situation is regrettable, and yet through your experience, others can take a lesson from life.

When you are making a decision that will have a profound impact on your lifestyle and your freedoms, you had better be able to make a solid, realistic decision. Sometimes no matter what you do, the outcome is still going to be unsure, so you must prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. In matters of love, you must balance desire with reason and make sure that the investment you are making is not frivilous. It seems easy for me to say this now, but I tell ya, I grew up with this sort of thing over and over, and I married a woman who thought she knew too long before I came along, and ended up getting burned just the same. Now I've got someone else's daughter who calls me daddy, and has been for the last 19 years, and is doing great things.

Melissa, life goes on, you do what you have to for you and your kid, and so long as you don't give up and keep at it things will work. All it takes is time and determination. In the meantime, keep the faith.

I am sorry for your predicament. I really hate guys like your ex who give men a bad name.

Don't think all men behave in this way.

I don't understand these guys who just abandon their wifes during the greatest time of need. they just left their wifes out of the blue. I am so angry at this kind of behavior.

Welcome Newgal!

My wife was once a single parent of three, holding down a full time job, taking 18 units in college, and doing her Navy Reserve time, so she feels your pain. I think of her as a poster child of what can be done. Seems that most women just suck it up and get on with things, many guys just go to the bar and weep in their beer...

I would also like to extend my wishes of luck to you, Melissa. I hope you keep the strength that you have graciously expressed in your post, not just for you, but for your daughter as well. I can understand how frustrating it must be when you think you have done good job of preparing by making sure you’re financially and emotionally prepared to raise a child, then have someone else throw a wrench in the works.

Melissa,

I'm so sorry for your loss and especially for your daughter loosing a father. There is a special place in the afterlife for parents who abandon their children (not to be confused with those parents who bless their children with the opportunites offered by adoption).

You need to find a support structure. Do you have family in the area that can help?

I would most certainly advize you to find a local place of faith and worship (a church or similar) and make yourself known to their leaders and community. Even if you're not terribly religious, you'll find people can be amazingly willing to help out those in need. Don't wait. Your daughter needs the help. Do it now. You need help - physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally.

Unfortunately, I know entirely too many women in the same (or worse) situations. Why men freak out and leave after kids come is a subject too vast for this forum, however, in terms of economics, it's a fast path to bankruptcy for the women who are left behind.

At this point, hanging on to the house is a Bad Idea. While the legal principles and responsibilities related to "abandonment" in a divorce are pretty clear, the reality is that it can take years for it all to settle out. Get out now, you can't afford it. If you can set a target to live with another family or friend for 4 months (and by all means, set a departure date!) now it the time to do it. Sell everything you can - cash is king now, you know that, but it's ever-more difficult to maintain the cash-flow.

I've posted here that fiscal preparedness is the key to survival in our modern culture, and that's a fact.

Now here's something you may not realize - but there are plenty of places that would let you bring baby to work with you. No kidding, just ask. There's a health food store near us and for the last 10 years, there's been someone with a baby in a playpen behind the counter. This is a good time to be looking for part-time work, and total honesty at the job application process is a good idea. People will help you.

Martin is right, sell everything you can, while you can. Esp his stuff ;-). And its always better to sell the house, even if you just break even, than to just walk away from it.

And call your $80k worth of creditors if you can. Talk to them, tell them what has happened. Sometimes they can do a little something to help.

If you're going for a divorce, get the best lawyer you can afford. Often, the initial visit is free.

Best of wishes for your future. You'll do fine, as you sound like a survivor.

Sue