In any group of sufficient size there will be one or more that don't mesh well. People who mean well and participate but who seem to provide nothing but objection, discord, and wasted time over insignificant issues.

I'm not too enthusiastic about the metaphor of the bathtub, a downhill run and blast mean a bathtub might have advantages, but if you can get past it there are many good points and useful observations.

http://scienceblogs.com/casaubonsbook/2011/04/bathtubs_macgyver_and_the_ones.php

In my experience divergent viewpoints are frustration precisely because they represent some part of the human condition I'm not comfortable with. I also note that if you are part of a group the groups views will need to be reconciled with these unpalatable views.

It also has to be noted that rejecting people outright can cause a dedicated coalition that will dedicate efforts against your efforts. Often this happens even as the annoyance is removed and they hold you no grudge. Holding no grudge often magnifies their status as martyr.

An alternative is to find some way to fit them in even if it seems to waste time and provide constant annoyance. It is better to have the annoyance in the tent shooting out than have them outside shooting in.

It is also a great truth that it is a certainty that someone around you considers you to be the bathtub. Odds are someone around you is looking at you and imagining how their life would be better if you were to suffer a timely cerebral aneurysm. Perhaps, just a small one.

How do we come to terms with the other?

Must we?

That is kind of the point. Not dealing with difficult people has some rather steep penalties. Dealing with them isn't necessarily a lot easier. Either way you are going to pay a price.

The difference between a group that works and one that doesn't is often a matter of how they handle this issue. It is one of the first tests of any leader.

edit spelling

My son and I discussed this just this morning while watching a rerun of Les Stroud's "Survive This". One of the kids clearly thought she was auditioning for a different show. She whined, complained and generally seemed to make life difficult for everyone until she finally had the good sense to go home.

The difference in real life is that there often isn't an opt out or kick out option. Ya gets what ya gets.

Some people are happy being miserable or arguing. There are 3 basic strategies if you can't find middle ground: Put up and shut up, break-away or start digging a hole to bury the body.

Must we?

How about changing the context so there is no "other", just one of our brothers or sisters, someone who - like us - has strengths and weaknesses.

Let's tell stories and ideas about bathtub people and their successful conversion to -people.

I have seen whiners given responsibility for something not too important suddenly find they like being recognized for contributing to group success.

I have seen apparent dead weight come to life when asked what they wanted to do and then given a chance to do, or work toward doing.

I have seen very negative folks co-opted by putting them in charge of reviewing something for its pros and cons.

What other strategies have worked?

At l;east, we have to LEARN to deal with such people because they may not alwys be total starngers.

Imagine that "Janice" is your wife, plus you have a teenager with "issues" , imagine the kid has autism or such... and you find yourself and family in a survival situation.

We need to upgrade our psychologial efficiency of tolerating tough conditions and tough people. That should be one of the survival skills to learn before SHTF. Imagine yourself sandwitched between two self-centered persons, each sees the whole world from an extremely narrow and completely different window. If you do not maintain your calm , your brain and nerves will disintegrate quickly.

I've done some learning about this recently for work and my 3 big takeaways were:

1. People do not want to be useless or hindrances
2. Difficult behaviours often arise from fundamentally good motivations
3. Understanding the motivation behind the behaviour helps you move beyond the difficult behaviour

Also key is, I am (and you are) sometimes the difficult person. Understanding our own core motivation and what unwanted behaviours we tend to manifest are just as important.

This learning was largely based on the book Dealing with Difficult People.

I have found in large groups people want to be led. Most people will follow a leader based on (in no particular order); results, charisma, competency, 'rank'/position, confidence, moral ascendancy, strength, endurance.

There tend to be two types of leaders in a group, the assumed leader based on an established hierarchy who may or may not have experience, then the person with the experience, compassion and wisdom, that people are drawn to naturally. IMO it is best when these are the same person.

What I have found in my experience is that you really don't have to worry about the 95% of the people in the group that follow you its the 5% that are caustic, uncooperative that you need to work with. When you can identify those people and bring them around to your goal or the group goal, then the problem tends to solve itself. By only focusing on those that are already in your camp, and belittling, ignoring the 5%, it creates a group schism.

There was something about this just recently, about people in the recent disasters in Japan. I think it was in a link, and there are lots of links, so I'm depending on my faulty memory.

It said something about how most of the people of a community worked together, but there were some individuals who thought they didn't have to do anything. The rest of the community gave these people something to do that seemed important to them, and gave them a title, and the do-nothings came around to decide that their job was necessary and began to work with the others.

Can't just drown them in the bathtub, eh? Okay, on to Plan B...

Sue

Well, Susan, I wish it was that simple. Sometimes people cause you stress by pointing you in two opposing directions, and putting their sticks between your feet.

Latest example, I was busy at work and someone was training us on some instrument. Boss came asking me to move a few things to another place ... That task blows up my nerves cause it means (move those things AGAIN to 'another' place, and after a week I am sure that I have to find yet 'another' place for that stuff).

I didn't even want to move that stuff because it is delicate and shouldn't be constantly and haphazardly moved ... plus it has been moved two times earlier. Why don't they plan and make up their minds and make a final decision ??

Long story short.. We went ( me and the boss )
I told him I would move things to THIS cabinet, and no one should ask me to move them again.

I was already beyond upset because the cabinet was not empty. Someone had filled it with junk. I had to first empty and clean the shelves, and then move our things in. At that point, I was already missing things in the training.

He saw the stuff and started asking all kinds of stupid questions. Then started taking them one by one and checking (Grrrr ). I was standing behind him and his body was blocking me from starting the cleanup. I almost grabbed him by his shirt to shove him aside and finish the job ASAP and go back to training.

So, he wanted me to do the job, and HE was the biggest obstacle stopping me from doing the job. Grrrrr.

You know what ??
Next day he will ask me : have you finsihed your training ?

Only thing that works with such people is to try NOT to have them around when you have a survival situation.

They are messy, unorganized, with no sense of priorities.
And they are boss.

How can it be any worse ??