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#93316 - 05/02/07 02:00 PM Re: Fear of being Alone [Re: OldBaldGuy]
benjammin Offline
Rapscallion
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/06/04
Posts: 4020
Loc: Anchorage AK
I guess at this point I must wax philosophical and point out that we are never truly alone nor the opposite. It is really a matter of perspective. We are a product of our conditioning, and as such our perception of our surroundings and the connotation they bring that are purely a function of our own internal notions of how we think things ought to be vs. the way they really are. When our ideal model doesn't fit the reality we find ourselves in, then we experience conflict and discontent, but it is our mind that must change, not the reality of our present situation.

You must first realize what you have control over and what is beyond your control, then decide what needs to change in order to achieve a harmonious and positive perspective. Many people in extremes of existence still find ways to find benefit in their situation. These are inherent talents we all possess and can learn to utilize if we are willing.

Rational fear is a tool to aid our survival. Irrational fear is an insanity that inhibits our survival. If the threat ain't real, then our attentions are better spent elsewhere. As a child, water which was not hot enough to harm, but which was difficult to tolerate, was something I would shy from. Hot water was nonetheless a necessity for the purpose of keeping things clean. I learned in time by confronting hot water regularly that I could tolerate it to the point that sufficiently hot water no longer bothered me. It didn't happen right away, but persistence and a resolute will did overcome my initial deterence. This is a fact of life.

Success in life oftentimes occurs when we overcome our unwillingness to face uncomfortable situations. It is this challenge that sets us apart from the walking dead.

Just a thought.
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

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#93318 - 05/02/07 02:02 PM Re: Fear of being Alone [Re: OldBaldGuy]
91gdub Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 172
Loc: South Jersey (the 51st state)
I am perfectly happy being alone for long periods of time. While I'm not anti-social by any means I an very comfortable not being around people. For many years my work life consisted of me leaving home every week (either Sunday night or Monday morning) and not returning home until Friday. On business trips I would spend time with people all day. Every night I ate at some resturant or another alone. I would take a book or newspaper with me to read. Aftet dinner I would go to my hotel room, lock the door & close the blinds. From that point on I was in "my cave" until the next morning. While traveling it would be highly unusual for me to have a conversation with a seat-partner on an airplane or even with others at the airport.
My wife used to constantly ask me how I could stand being alone in various cities all over the world. She just couldn't (and still can't) understand my need for quiet time.
If I am home alone I usually have many projects going on or just enjoy reading. While alone I don't have the TV or radio going. I don't need background noise.
While in my late 20's to early 30's I was divorced and lived alone for almost 5 years. All of my friends and family knew that just popping in to see me was not encouraged. Many times I just wanted to be alone.
A friend of mine cannot stand being alone, not even for an hour. He surrounds himself with people at all times. Quite often he will call and tell me that he has an errand to run asking me if I'd like to come with. It took me quite a few years to figure out that he isn't happy by himself.
At least twice a year I'll take a weekend and go camping/fishing by myself. Just kind of recharge my batteris I guess. While on those trips I go to places where it would be unusual to see another living soul. I enjoy that vey much.
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
_________________________
Bill Houston

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#93337 - 05/02/07 03:23 PM Re: Fear of being Alone [Re: 91gdub]
wolf Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 329
Loc: Michigan
As someone else suggested - if you feel the need to get over your discomfort, continue to put yourself in a position of mild discomfort until it becomes less so.
_________________________
"2+2=4 is not life, but the beginning of death." Dostoyevsky

Bona Na Croin

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