my $0.02.

my wife's eldest son (25 yrs) may have a.s. - he's never been diagnosed, but the symptoms sure do fit. as do what you have all indicated re: chisel's son.

i think all of the advice is sound - and part of any solution is the identification of the 'problem' as soon as possible.

would second the recommendation to have his iq tested and have him seen by a psychologist. then you may know what you are dealing with. and if it is a.s. - there's nothing to do - it is what it is. and your son can read, study all he wants to help him understand himself. he can be at ease with who he may be - different, but aren't we all? and that's part of growing up.

i suspect he's really bright. and could excel at anything he sets his mind to. like penguins. or astrophysics.

i know my step-son sure is smarter than me. good on him!

good luck w/your little man.

Nighthiker:

sorry, what i meant by my remark was that there's no drug therapy per se for a.s. currently available. for concomitant anxiety or a.d.d., yes.

my point was just as you said better than i -

"once they realize the need to change their behavior it's a little easier for them".

"it is what it is" - they need to learn to live and work with it.

thanks for your clarification.

Ken
Wonderful, wonderful post. As soon as I saw you mention Aspergers (or is it Asberger?) I slapped myself in the head and said "I should have thought of that!" Argh. Kudos to you.

Chisel... for what it's worth, my little brother was kind of the same. Didn't like scouts, physical activity, most socializing. Very bright kid. He came out of his shell in high school. So, like one of the other posts said, it could be that he's just too bright for his own good and peers at this point. But, I think Ken brings up a VERY GOOD point - it could be Asperger's.

And just in case you're worried, the guy that sits in front of me in my med school classes has Asperger's... and his wife likes to brag about it

Chisel,

Your child is not LOST!

I agree with the post regarding Asperger's. Asperger's is under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders. People with Asperger's have high functioning ASD. My son most probably has it. He is eight now. His testing puts him in the genius category but he has a hard time with social cues, social interaction, etc.

Look for a psychologist or speech therapist type who leads a social group. My son is in a "social language group" with 3 other similar developed kids. All are very smart but lack social interaction skills. Examples are talking without really noticing if the person you are talking to is interested, irregular voice modulation, super-intensity in a specific subject matter.

I live in Northern California. Please feel free to ask me any questions.

Hmm, I think I will take a different slant on this.

We as individuals all have our own strengths and weaknesses. I really abhor social/psychological labels, as I see them used as an excuse more than anything.

I've spent a lot of time studying my children, watching how they react and respond when they are in different situations. I've provided a lot of mental and psychological conditioning for them to adjust their behavior, for the most part with good effect. It takes a lot of time because the increments of change are very small, and need to be in order for them to be integrated properly. I've used these same skills to train well-behaved, reliable hunting and companion dogs. I am not an expert, I just keep trying and note what works and what doesn't, then adjust my technique for better effect.

I am a firm believer that children are quite pliable, and capable of learning how to function and act for their benefit and general improvement. Being able to identify a particular trait in my children, whether it is a benefit or a debtriment, is only half the job for me. Figuring out how to capitalize or diminish that trait accordingly is perhaps the bigger challenge most of the time. It is more intuitive than academic I think. You know how they should behave under a certain condition, and if what they do contradicts what is expected, then you go about finding ways to alter that behavior. Sometimes it takes a lot of repetition, sometimes it takes a good deal of force, but there is almost always an effective method that will result in a desired awareness and behavioral alteration.

Not all dogs train up to the same capabilities, but I believe most any dog can be trained to be effective, willing, and obedient. How much moreso a child then.

Training dogs is not an easy thing. It takes dedication, diligence, and a willingness to learn how dogs work. I have a lot of respect for guys like Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) because they've taken the time to learn the skills of how to get dogs to behave and to respond to training, and more importantly how to change the attitude and behavior of the dogs' owners. Based on my experience, I think that kids are much more capable than dogs are. It just takes a lot more work and effort because kids are a lot more dynamic than dogs. Some kids need more drastic measures to help them develop their abilities to understand and control their behavior, which is not to say they need to be handled roughly, but that they need a bigger change in their environment and more control by a will stronger and more developed than their own.

Some people have physical needs that require medication, just as do some dogs. I see a lot of similar results when parents treat their kids as do some dog owners their dogs, the difference being that the unwieldy kid does not get taken to the local SPCA or put in the "free to good home" section of the classifieds or taken on a one way trip to the big woods. Instead, those kids just get labeled or diagnosed and become a social problem later on.

If I really thought my kid had a problem that was beyond my ability to help deal with, then I would certainly be looking to professionals to help me. I am not so proud that I think I can solve any problem myself, that would be foolish, and a big disservice to my child. I would certainly be trying everything I can figure out on my own if the problem seems to be more behavioral.

Chisel, in all you said about your child, I saw nothing in there about physical accomplishments. Does he have anything that challenges him physically? My gut instinct would be to get this kid out in the wilderness and put him through some good physical challenges that also required a little mental work and see how the kid responds. Of course, you will have to be right there with them guiding them through it, but isn't that why we are here after all? I admit I don't have nearly enough information to pass judgement on your relationship, nor would I try, I am simply trying to think of suggestions that might help out with your situation. What works for me may not be of any use for you, so you gotta go with what you know amigo.

Good luck.

ASPARTAME should be removed from the diet. This artificial sweetener was first developed for the MKULTRA project (a mind control project used in Cold War biochemical warfare experimentation) headed by an ex defense secretary then pushed for licensed use for the whole population when he was CEO of Searle Pharmaceuticals. This is a powerful drug used to make populations compliant to suggestion i.e. electronic forms of advertising but has other psychoactive side effects. Hope this helps.

Thanks everyone. You are awsome.
I wish I have put this question much earlier.


Special thanks to Kenk.
You have described my son down to his toenails.



Yep, and between him and his funny sister we are in a circus most of the time. Those of you who missed Laurel & Hardy just see what happens between these two.



Exactly.



Exactly, even with his loving father. This is a subject I am working on these days, epending more time in "his areas" the stuff he likes like cars or whatever. I am trying to help him modify his behaviour while we "discuss" his favorite subjects. Thank Goodness I have similar interests in his stuff like cars 4x4 math ..etc.

I havent heard of ASD till now, and have thought that he had a mild case of autism. I will definitely read more about AS.

Thanks everyone.

Benjamin
My genious son is very lazy !! Although the word doesnt describe him accurately. I almost feel guilty saying (lazy) about him. I know he is a good boy, but sometimes he doesnt jump to help me when I need him . I have to ASK him and then he would come to help. And if his brotehr or sister ask he will be whining and compalining all the time (but that is a typical teenager behaviour isnt it ?).

At times he would take some chores and finish them non-stop. Mostly if he is doing it alone. But many times he wont come out with us in the car for a fun ride. As Kenk has put it he does not excel in football or other such activities ( he does not even excel in taking dishes to the kitchen sink without breaking one or two). However, the main factor that will make him decide to go with us or stay home seems to be how much fun the activity will be. If I ask him to go to a car showroom, he will jump in his pajamas, but if I ask him to come with us to a hardware store , he will drag his feet, and without eye contact will reluctantly announce he is not going. Same for camping and other activities.

In general, he doesnt like to go anywhere where he thinks he will be working hard or the area isnt fun for him. That is regardless of the fact that his parents may need his help (even to select materials and colors for his own room). I have to tell him and explain that we NEED him there to help us.

I love my kid and surely want to believe the expectations of several posters who said he would be OK when he is older.

Thanks evryone

Yikes, I think you just described me. I grew out of it more and more as I got older (and I'm still growing out of it I believe), but I'm still clumsy when it comes to sports (or just following certain tasks, I tend to not think things through completely and then I have to re-do them). I still get bored easily as well, I need to keep busy. However, keeping busy usually means doing what I want to do instead of what needs to get done. I have to fight procrastination.

Hmm, maybe you could challenge his math skills a little by doing some orienteering work (requires a bit of Trigonometry), something like geocaching, but with compasses and treasure maps instead.

If he's into cars, how about combining a work activity with a go-cart trip, or maybe get him into r/c racing and help him build a cool 4x4 racer?

These are just some ideas. I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can come up with things he would be drawn to even though there is some physical challenge to it. The point is to be patient, encouraging, genuinely excited about it yourself, to the point where you will go do it without him a couple times and come back excited and pumped up so your enthusiasm will be contagious to him. When you find that mechanism that becomes irresistable to him, then you will be able to draw him into wanting to try, and that should be the impetus he needs to start building his own drive mechanism.

I had a nephew that was a lot like how you describe your son. He was in therapy, and got put on drugs, and went through a lot until he grew up. At one point I reached out to him by offering to teach him how to shoot and how to hunt. He was captivated, and for a time even willing to help clean the guns, long before we started shooting them. Unfortunately his mother was uncomfortable with the idea, so it ended, and he went on to therapy and a lot of what I considered unnecessary anxiety. Now he is legally limited as to getting to handle firearms (one of the disqualifiers on the purchasing form). Because he was "diagnosed" and treated by a clinician.

I firmly believe you love your kid. I encourage you to be do all you can to help make them successful, even if it doesn't always feel good.

Again, Good luck.