Hmm, I think I will take a different slant on this.

We as individuals all have our own strengths and weaknesses. I really abhor social/psychological labels, as I see them used as an excuse more than anything.

I've spent a lot of time studying my children, watching how they react and respond when they are in different situations. I've provided a lot of mental and psychological conditioning for them to adjust their behavior, for the most part with good effect. It takes a lot of time because the increments of change are very small, and need to be in order for them to be integrated properly. I've used these same skills to train well-behaved, reliable hunting and companion dogs. I am not an expert, I just keep trying and note what works and what doesn't, then adjust my technique for better effect.

I am a firm believer that children are quite pliable, and capable of learning how to function and act for their benefit and general improvement. Being able to identify a particular trait in my children, whether it is a benefit or a debtriment, is only half the job for me. Figuring out how to capitalize or diminish that trait accordingly is perhaps the bigger challenge most of the time. It is more intuitive than academic I think. You know how they should behave under a certain condition, and if what they do contradicts what is expected, then you go about finding ways to alter that behavior. Sometimes it takes a lot of repetition, sometimes it takes a good deal of force, but there is almost always an effective method that will result in a desired awareness and behavioral alteration.

Not all dogs train up to the same capabilities, but I believe most any dog can be trained to be effective, willing, and obedient. How much moreso a child then.

Training dogs is not an easy thing. It takes dedication, diligence, and a willingness to learn how dogs work. I have a lot of respect for guys like Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) because they've taken the time to learn the skills of how to get dogs to behave and to respond to training, and more importantly how to change the attitude and behavior of the dogs' owners. Based on my experience, I think that kids are much more capable than dogs are. It just takes a lot more work and effort because kids are a lot more dynamic than dogs. Some kids need more drastic measures to help them develop their abilities to understand and control their behavior, which is not to say they need to be handled roughly, but that they need a bigger change in their environment and more control by a will stronger and more developed than their own.

Some people have physical needs that require medication, just as do some dogs. I see a lot of similar results when parents treat their kids as do some dog owners their dogs, the difference being that the unwieldy kid does not get taken to the local SPCA or put in the "free to good home" section of the classifieds or taken on a one way trip to the big woods. Instead, those kids just get labeled or diagnosed and become a social problem later on.

If I really thought my kid had a problem that was beyond my ability to help deal with, then I would certainly be looking to professionals to help me. I am not so proud that I think I can solve any problem myself, that would be foolish, and a big disservice to my child. I would certainly be trying everything I can figure out on my own if the problem seems to be more behavioral.

Chisel, in all you said about your child, I saw nothing in there about physical accomplishments. Does he have anything that challenges him physically? My gut instinct would be to get this kid out in the wilderness and put him through some good physical challenges that also required a little mental work and see how the kid responds. Of course, you will have to be right there with them guiding them through it, but isn't that why we are here after all? I admit I don't have nearly enough information to pass judgement on your relationship, nor would I try, I am simply trying to think of suggestions that might help out with your situation. What works for me may not be of any use for you, so you gotta go with what you know amigo.

Good luck.