My son is not "lost" to be found, but his attention is lost most of the time. I ask him to do something , he may come 15 minutes later to ak me what it was that I have asked him to do ! He is 14 and it is sad that his mother is depepnding more and more on his 10 year old brother and too frustrated to ask him to do anything.

When he was 2 years old, he knew almost ALL flags and countries of the world. That is an examnple of what his brain was capable of. Today he is very bright at school with several awards and medals received for distinguished achievements in math , physics ..etc. but he stilllacks basic social skills.

I am bringing up this subject after I read Martin "go ballistic" post on the missing scout thread. For years I have been thinking my som has ADHD but have always hesitated to consult doctors or go on drugs. I dont trust doctors anmd hospitals much since the bith of his oldest sister, when his mom hads to go through unecessary surgey.

His mother is sometimes embarrased when relatives visit us and he would not even say Hello. That kind of thing. It is isnt that he is rude but he needs to be calmly taught a few times that this is the proper thing to do. Then he would do it.

Martin and others.
My son is a genious but lost soemwehre else. He knows Math and physics, but needs to learn to say "Hello" and "How are you" . He is good and kind, but generally childish in his behaviour. Can you give me a few websites with guides or general info how to teach him life skills.

No drugs or doctors please.
I dont trust them.

If you think you have a serious concern, you should see a doctor. I know a lot of people have a distrust of them, but if your son has ADHD, the single most proven solution is drug therapy. There are various counselling and diet options as well, but you have to watch out for quackery (despite your reservations, the amount of erroneous, biased and dangerous info in the general public is much higher than that amongst medical professionals).

But a first step might be an ADHD patient organisation who might advise you.

I suffer from the same problems ;P

I have a link which may explain what's going on for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOtoujYOWw0

In reality though, I'm not a fan of drug therapy. I've taken MANY different types of drugs and honestly the best thing a doctor ever did for me was help me monitor my diet. Once I started keeping my vitamin levels in check with my relatively high metabolism (specifically vitamin e and magnesium) I found it considerably easier to focus on tasks.

Either way, good luck.

This sounds very much like the way I was at 14, as well as most of my friends. Signs of being violent, or signs of drug or alcohol use should be the big red flags. By all means consult a doctor if you think it's proper, but weigh any suggestions to medicate him most carefully.

Chisel,
Here is a suggestion that requires no physician or drugs:
Have his IQ tested.
Brilliant people have difficulty socializing, and 14 years old is difficult for anybody.
Jeff

Guys.
You have helped me see that it is not a big problem. I especially like Garland diet and vitamin route. It canot hurt.

My son is starting to realize that junk food and high-sugar foods are not good for him. He is shifting very slowly to bran and whole wheat foods and snacks. But again there is another problem with him. He will not eat most of what his mom cooks. She has to prepare a different dish for him most of the time although our other teenage kids enjoy her food.

A few years ago his confidence was so loooooow. He would almost weep whenever a little inconvience happens. But I have found out that "what-if" scenarios were very good for him. They expose him to mental pictures of baaaaad stories and sort of make him less sensitive and wont take every little thing as TEOTWAWKI

I used to leave him at school some afternoons and was sometimes too busy to pick him early enough. When I arrived his eyes were red and wet. And his younger brother - with me in the car - would always tease him about that.

Being a prepared person , I started to think: what if something really happens to me and I dont arrive at all. This kid will just freeze in the school parking and die there.

We discussed such possibilities and we found the best sollution for him to walk (about half a mile) to the nearest convenient store and stay there, call a relative, buy a bottle of water, whatever. And for him to be prepared for such possibilities, he should always carry some cash to buy whatever.

These "what-if" stories resulted in a boost in his confidence. And he is not the psychological black hole he used to be. However, he liked the idea too much and his trips to that store has added more junk food to his diet. It shows that life is not all perfect and our successes are not always complete. But at least he won't wet his pants in the school parking.

He is making some progress, given the rewards that I use as boosters. Now driving the car is another reward he can expect when he shows more progress. But I think that additional dietic and behaviourial guidance will be a weclome help.

More thoughts and ideas are still welcome.
Thanks everyone.

Nighthiker
Appreciate your concern and I have also taken 40 years to realize a few things. May goal as a parent is not to stick a label on my son forehead but rather to save him time and boost his realization of his problems and equip him with knowledge and awareness EARLY in his life. That way, he wont go through years of confusion like I did.

BTW, being less-than-sociable is just an example of several problems that complicates his relation with his family. There are other problems too.

Anywayz, I still may be wrong, and that is why I am putting the question in front of everyone.

Thanks

Chisel,

Your son has some of the classic characteristics of Aspergers syndrome: lack of attentiveness - though a very high ability to concentrate on what he want to do, very high intelligence, a tendancy to be an "expert" on some subject, very poor social skills, "odd" behavior.

I know about AS because my 12-year old son has it. Its not a bad thing or a good thing. Its just the way he is ... much like saying someone wears glasses. When my son was 2-years old he'd memorized entire books - word for word. At first we though he could read, but it was just an "act". Just like you said, my 10-year old daughter has to watch out for her 12-year old brother.

Others who may feel the urge to try to preach to me that AS is made-up or an excuse for poor parenting ... don't bother. I know my son VERY well. I know AS well. It does exist.

The good news (and for some the bad news): there is no drug that will help AS. My son has never taken any drugs for his AS.

Some say that people with AS are "wired" to be the perfect engineers, mathematicians, scientists, or computer programmers - very detail oriented, smart as heck, easily memorizes complicated stuff. While their social skills will make the teenage years tough, he will do just fine as an adult, though some may consider him a little "odd". He'll most likely get married, get a great job, and have wonderful children. I'm pretty sure my uncle - my older sister's husband - has AS too. He is very smart, has always been a bit "odd", and is an expert on collectables - especially old records, but is a very nice guy with two wonderful boys (my nephews), and my sister loves him very much.

Please do learn about AS. I've read stories about kids finally learning that they have AS and being relieved that there is a reason for their behavior ... and that they are not alone. Our son knows about his AS and we are open about it with his friends and fellow Boy Scouts. They treat him much better knowing that he's not trying to be [fill in the blank with words like odd, rude, noisy, etc...]

Here is a pretty decent description of AS characteristics:

Language: Difficulty with pragmatics (using language to have a conversation). They may make irrelevant comments, interrupt, or give long monologues on a topic that interests them regardless of whether the listener is interested. They may require extra processing time to understand conversation. People with AS tend to be very literal in their use of language, and may misunderstand humor or sarcasm.

Cognitive: Good rote memory, but difficulty with problem-solving and drawing inferences. They have trouble "reading between the lines."

Social Skills: Lack of awareness of the unwritten rules of social conduct is characteristic of individuals with AS. They tend to be excessively blunt and honest. This makes them appear rude or obnoxious to others. They have difficulty making eye contact, which can make it appear to others that they are not listening. They are unaware of non-verbal or body language cues and facial expressions, so they have difficulty guessing the thoughts and feelings of others. They have limited understanding of emotions, both their own and others'. Individuals with AS have difficulty grasping the concept of personal space, and may impinge on the space of others without realizing that they are making others uncomfortable.

Many AS children lack the ability to have or show empathy towards others. They don’t seem to have the ability to “stand in the other person’s shoes” or take another person’s perspective. For example, AS children may find it difficult apologizing to another child for hurting their feelings, trying to feel what another person feels, imagining they are somebody else (e.g. a convict settling in Australia), or how they felt during 9/11. AS children require help to recognize the effects of their actions on others and will need to be taught how to identify and respond to emotions appropriately.

Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome tend to be rigid in their thinking and assume that other people think the same as they do. They often have a strong need to follow a schedule and/or follow rules. They may respond badly to sudden changes, authoritarian behavior and anger from others.

Sensory responses: Individuals with ASD have unusual responses to sensory stimuli. Loud noise and certain pitches may be painful. Hypersensitive hearing and an inability to screen out background noise may cause sensory overload or shutdown. Light touch that would not bother most people may be painful to the person with Asperger's. They may "over-react" to accidental or purposeful touching. They may be sensitive to light, and the flickering of fluorescent lights and computer screens may cause discomfort Strong odors can cause problems also.

(My son hates to touch wet stuff and can't stand sudden loud noises or 3D movies like those at Disney World. He also hates carbonated beverages because of the feel, not the taste.)

Motor Skills: Both fine and gross motor skills can be affected. Handwriting, cutting, and drawing may be difficult, although some individuals are gifted artists. Ball-handling and other athletic skills are difficult for most people with AS. Because of these characteristics, people with AS tend to have high levels of anxiety. They often feel overwhelmed with sensory stimuli that are beyond their control and confused by social relationships that they don't know the rules for.

(My son did fine with handwritting though it can look odd. He loves to draw, though seems to have little interest in colors - usually just pencil).

Feel free to PM me if you wish to.

Ken K.

I should also say ... If you son dos have AS, a regular medical doctor won't do much to help your son. We took our son to a psychologist who provided the diagnosis, but there wasn't much she could do beyond that.

I would strongly suggest you discuss AS with someone at your son's school. I've found my son's teachers and special ed folks to be VERY helpful and understanding.

I should also say that there appears to be a very wide spectrum for AS. My son gets by pretty well, but I had another boy with AS in my son's Cub Scout den, and he really struggled. I've read about another boy with AS that simply couldn't function on his own - his mother had to be with him 24/7.

Sounds a lot like #1 Son. Or me, to a slightly lesser degree. If there is nothing to be done about it and there is nothing "wrong" then I'd hesitate to call it a "syndrome" - it sounds more like a personality type, albeit an extreme one.

Funniest thing I ever experienced with was when we invited another family from church over for dinner. I made the mistake of mentioning that my son was interested in penguins at the moment. The father immediately started in with "There are 17 species of penguins, not counting those that are extinct..." The two of them proceeded to converse continuously for the next 3 hours. He later explained, "Penguin guys are few and far between, so when you find one you have to talk shop." He's a PhD Geologist….

Me, I'm an extroverted engineer - I stare at the other guy’s shoes instead of my own.