Heh heh , aloha. Lets not fool the guy all the way. Those could be just the same moments you got in the mood and wanted a private moment. The little kid spoils your fun and you have no choice but to swallow your frustration and hug him/her. It happened to me more than I can remember. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

As a married person with kids, and a job that I dont like anymore, and a frustratingly long list of "have to do", its definitely a wish of mine to get away from it all for a month or so. But then, there is those moments that you feel it is really worth it.

My wifes ex husband has a major case of it. In his early 40's he suddenly divorced her, married a younger gal (who now looks about ten year older and 50 pounds heavier than my wife does), joined a motorcycle "club" (they wear nasty Levis, do-rags on their heads, tatoos all over the place, are on a first name basis with a lot of Hell's Angles), spends even more time in the gym pumping iron (he already had biceps the size of most thighs), and has a major combover going. He has been stuck there for at least 15 years it appears, with no end in sight.

I, on the other hand, lost my hair, no big thing, finally got into got the kids out of school so I could get out of a marriage that had died 20 years before, and am happy as a clam all the time.

Guess it depends on the individual...

Buy a sports car, flashy clothes and get a young GF. That is one way some deal with MLC.
I'd say be thankful for what you have achieved in life and appreciate your family for who and what they are and forget about trying to become someone else yourself. Relax and enjoy your life as it is.
People often get divorced, buy the fancy car and party like they are 20 again. It really seldom turns into a better life than the one they trashed! Stick with the good things and appreciate what you already have. Just my 2C.

I believe we are in control of our lives, and our destiny, at least to the point of deciding how to deal with the situation we are in, and in choosing how we face opportunities and hardships. I am 43. Ten years ago I was just starting a new career making $12 an hour after losing my home to fire and my business to blood sucking lawyers. 5 years ago I was running a department responsible for recovering $100 million on a failed project, charging the client about $120 an hour. 2 years ago I decided to see what kind of difference I could make for a people that had been through the ringer, and I went to Baghdad. Now I am in New York, on my way to Brisbane Australia. My wife and child are living in our home in Denver while I am gone. We are not divorced or separated, but happily married. My wife got gastric bypass surgery, a boob job, and a tummy tuck, and she looks better now than she ever has during her adult life. Both my daughters are chasing their dreams, and I am making a six figure income to help make that happen. All this without a college degree, simply doing the things that others were unwilling or unable to do.

I've been mighty lonesome for the last two years. In June my youngest daughter is done with high school and will be ready to leave home. Then my wife will come join me wherever I may be. I suppose if I'd thought about it, I could've done something to relieve my loneliness, but in my opinion it ain't worth the trouble to break my commitment. In any case, I am not a wealthy man yet, though I have a plan that will get me there before reitrement. I expect the rest of my career I will spend travelling the world with my bride, or maybe find a good place we both feel comfortable with and that'll be it. Who knows? The important thing is that I keep a perspective about things, remembering what life used to be like when I had nothing, or when all that I had (except family and drive) was taken from me, or to remember seeing what life is like for a whole lotta other folks in this world that will never have what I've already achieved.

You do what you can with what you are given, and be happy about it, be it dreams, memories or the here and now. Anything else is just a waste of time and energy. I don't understand about mid-life crisis myself. If you aren't happy, you've only yourself to blame, and happiness is also a choice regardless pretty much of the situation. Consider a day in the life of Ivan Denitsovitch (sp) if you don't think so.

This may seem harsh, or cruel, or maybe even cold, but it is advice I offer nonetheless. Whatever it is that's eating you, you gotta get over it and get on with it. Find something to distract your attention enough that you simply don't have time or energy to be blue any more. Maybe a change is needed, or maybe just experiencing something fundamental, something drastic, something that defines who you are deep down. That's what I like and miss most about elk camp. It is one week of some of the roughest, most challenging adventure I've known. It is also the place where my strongest friendships have been fostered. There are few things quite like sitting at the top of a 2 mile hike up a snow covered mountainside watching a big bull elk stroll by while you are shivering and trying to stay perfectly still.

Lots of people make 'big" changes when they hit this point in their lives, thinking that life will be better on the other side of whatever change they've made happen. Big changes that I am talking about are things like getting married/divorced, making a baby, moving to Alaska to build a cabin, etc. Then afterwards they find that the change didn't make them any happier! Now, they are not only unhappy, but they have now committed themselves to something that they can't just get rid of (a baby) or can't recoup their investment from (cabin in Alaska).

I think that one should go out and do something that absolutely scares the hell out of them, preferably something that's not permanent or destructive. If you step outside that comfort zone where you can get the adrenaline going and actually FEEL alive, then you can experience the contrast between where you are now and where you could be. For some that's bungee jumping, or skydiving, or facing up to their worst fear (flying, scuba diving, etc). Others go experience the "other" side of life, like volunteering at a homeless shelter or something that takes you completely away from who you usually are and makes you stretch your abilities.

Change is good!

Being screened for depression is also something to think about. My wife encouraged me to get checked a few years ago when I was in a real deep rut. With treatment and counseling I was able to get up off the floor, get a better job, go back to school, and be able to live again. There's no magic pill, and it's still a daily struggle, but the difference in who I was and who I am now is amazing.

Aloha Chisel,

At those ah inoportune moments, I hope you remembered to put the covers on. <img src="/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I've been through two stages of it. The first one was accompanied by a serious period of clinical depression. After hospitalization, treatment and newer forms of medication I found life to be an amazing experience again.

My second experience was in the late 90's when I realized that my career choice had been a poor one (money doesn't equate to happiness). After going back to school, completing a graduate degree in a academic field that I loved, I became a high school teacher. The intangible benefits of helping teenagers grow up to be responsible adults outweighs any salary for me. My wife and I got off the fast track, found a simpler life and never have looked back.

At 43, I'm too young for a mid life crisis.

You just keep thinkin' that Butch, that's what you do best.

"At 43, I'm too young for a mid life crisis."

"You just keep thinkin' that Butch, that's what you do best."

I couldn't do that. Could you do that? How'd he do that? Who is that guy?

TR