I believe we are in control of our lives, and our destiny, at least to the point of deciding how to deal with the situation we are in, and in choosing how we face opportunities and hardships. I am 43. Ten years ago I was just starting a new career making $12 an hour after losing my home to fire and my business to blood sucking lawyers. 5 years ago I was running a department responsible for recovering $100 million on a failed project, charging the client about $120 an hour. 2 years ago I decided to see what kind of difference I could make for a people that had been through the ringer, and I went to Baghdad. Now I am in New York, on my way to Brisbane Australia. My wife and child are living in our home in Denver while I am gone. We are not divorced or separated, but happily married. My wife got gastric bypass surgery, a boob job, and a tummy tuck, and she looks better now than she ever has during her adult life. Both my daughters are chasing their dreams, and I am making a six figure income to help make that happen. All this without a college degree, simply doing the things that others were unwilling or unable to do.

I've been mighty lonesome for the last two years. In June my youngest daughter is done with high school and will be ready to leave home. Then my wife will come join me wherever I may be. I suppose if I'd thought about it, I could've done something to relieve my loneliness, but in my opinion it ain't worth the trouble to break my commitment. In any case, I am not a wealthy man yet, though I have a plan that will get me there before reitrement. I expect the rest of my career I will spend travelling the world with my bride, or maybe find a good place we both feel comfortable with and that'll be it. Who knows? The important thing is that I keep a perspective about things, remembering what life used to be like when I had nothing, or when all that I had (except family and drive) was taken from me, or to remember seeing what life is like for a whole lotta other folks in this world that will never have what I've already achieved.

You do what you can with what you are given, and be happy about it, be it dreams, memories or the here and now. Anything else is just a waste of time and energy. I don't understand about mid-life crisis myself. If you aren't happy, you've only yourself to blame, and happiness is also a choice regardless pretty much of the situation. Consider a day in the life of Ivan Denitsovitch (sp) if you don't think so.

This may seem harsh, or cruel, or maybe even cold, but it is advice I offer nonetheless. Whatever it is that's eating you, you gotta get over it and get on with it. Find something to distract your attention enough that you simply don't have time or energy to be blue any more. Maybe a change is needed, or maybe just experiencing something fundamental, something drastic, something that defines who you are deep down. That's what I like and miss most about elk camp. It is one week of some of the roughest, most challenging adventure I've known. It is also the place where my strongest friendships have been fostered. There are few things quite like sitting at the top of a 2 mile hike up a snow covered mountainside watching a big bull elk stroll by while you are shivering and trying to stay perfectly still.