Ok, this is my first post. I am a long time lurker and learner, but you have hit on a subject that I have expertise in. I am an educator by trade, kids are my business.

I agree with Massacre completely, though for a different reasons. At 3 years old, kids don't have the motor skills to properly perform karate forms. While it is cute to see, their effectiveness is very limited. Teachr her how to do summersualts, push ups, stand on one leg, balance on logs, jump rope, skip, hopscotch. Playing catch with a ball will help her with her hand/eye coordination. All of these things will help her large motor skills and help her when she is ready for Karate.

Five or six is a great time to start them. Six is nice because it gets them past the major changes of Kindergarten.

Both my daughters and wife study Isshyn Rue Karate. As Massacre stated, it is a no frills, but very competent form of the art. My oldest daughter is nine and this is her fourth year, she is now a junior black belt. She could hurt the average adult male. She won't recieve her full black belt until she turns 16, by that time, I won't have any fears in regards to her personal safety!!

Tom

The amount of harm that a 3 year old can do isn't much, but what they can do could be really nasty (biting or poking eyes).

If you do decide to teach some basic self defense, I would do exactly what you say Blast and prepare her for "bad people". But curling up in a ball wouldn't be what I would choose. I would say, scream (or blow whistle), run away, and call out for help. If someone ever did get their hands on her, teach her that biting is okay under some circumstances and that if she can, headbutting the nose or clawing at the eyes is an effective distraction to allow her to run away. There are a few other worthwhile low-force, easy to execute, yet very damaging techniques as well.

The very same things have been on my mind, and I don't think it's being paranoid in the least. People kidnap kids, shoot them, rape them, even cut them out of the womb. It's a sick world full of deviants, but you also don't want your kid growing up afraid of their shadow.

I think for the most part Parents keep pretty close tabs on 3 year olds, but when they are in school or daycare, that's another matter. I would certainly ask your child's caretakers if they have plans for things like this and if they teach kids basic principles (it's unlikely they do at that age).

Anyway, take it slow, and before you teach any techniques or have anyone teach them to her, make sure she's VERY clear on when she can use them. For instance, it's never right to do it when she's just angry. But don't tell her it's not right to bite other kids... There are documented kidnappings and killings by young children and teens

Ah... it's just a sick world. I think it's prudent to be prepared in this manner... just don't treat her like an adult and make sure you go slowly.

The "curl up in a ball/protect the neck" is just for dogs. Currently for people their are two rules:
1. If we are with her DD can be polite to strangers but not overly friendly. If we vouch for the stranger then she can trust them fully.
2. If someone does something inappropriate say "No", get away, then tell someone (parent/teacher...)

We keep close tabs on her, but you never know... The world just seems really nuts right now. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

-Blast

JohnnyRocket,

Thanks for de-lurking and bringing your experience to this conversation. I was pretty sure I was being overly optimistic(!) about finding a martial arts for a 3 yr old. You and the rest have confirmed this but have also given me very good advise. For now we will stick to exercise and yoga (she loves both) along with subtle teaching.

-Blast

Aloha Blast,

Good thinking on your part. I don't know if I would decide on something based on age. I feel that more depends on your child, the teacher, and your involvement.

I was watching these young kids in China on the Discovery channel and some of those kids who look like they are 4-5 years old can probably kick my butt. Well ok, not really. But if they keep it up, maybe in a year they could.

How involved do you plan on being? My theory is to find a school or teacher that will allow the adults and the children to have classes at the same time, even if they are segregated. That way you do it together versus you go to one class and your child goes to another. You would be surprised how much more and better they learn if they see you doing it too. Especially if they see you doing it wrong and making corrections.

Some people can teach kids and some can't. So you gotta do your homework.

When my daughter was two, a strange guy on the elevator tried to touch her (on her head). After that, my wife asked me to start teaching my daughter some martial arts, like blocking and hitting. I thought about it long and hard and started to make up games to play with my daughter that taught her avoidance, maintaining spacing without looking or turning away, how to get attention, etc. And we played them. Then we talked about strangers, to say NO, to get away, to always let mommy and daddy know what is going on, etc. A great book, by the way, is "The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers."

I think a good set of martial arts for kids, especially girls is a combination of Aikido and Wing Chun. Aikido to teach how to fall and how to use someone else's energy. Wing Chun also teaches how to use someone else's energy and also correct body mechanics, teaches how to get inside (where most people are uncomfortable and girls will more likely find themselves in a defense situation), and how to hit fast, hard and in combinations. By the way, Wing Chun was invented by a nun.

For a girl especially, I think these things are good to learn. That is what I am having my girls learn. And I have to and want to do it with them. I am fortunate to have found a good instructor for not only me, but for my girls. I am doing private lessons three times a week and my older daughter will be starting private lessons together with my twice a week.

Good luck!! Gotta get that martial arts training in before the boys start to come around for real.

"If we vouch for the stranger then she can trust them fully."

NO! NO! NO!

Child molesters look like everyone else. You know some, but you just don't know it. Strangers who grab children make the headlines, but they are a very small minority.

Most child victims KNOW their molester. He is someone who deliberately puts himself in situations where there are children. He is a Scout leader, a Big Brother, a teacher, a neighbor, a church member or a relative. He creates an aura of trust with both the child and the child's parents. In fact, the illusion he creates often makes the parent call their child a liar when he/she tells of an incident.

Don't get too complacent about the people you know. There are websites that give the name, photo, description and the street where molesters live in your town. Unfortunately, only the convicted ones are listed. There are thousands of them who have never been caught & labeled.

Parents who direct every facet of their kid's life and thinking are just training them to obey a molester. Your child needs to know that they can draw a line with anyone they know, and you will back them up. ANYONE. And that means if they don't want to kiss Aunt Martha or Uncle Ed, they don't have to, even if the reason is just because they don't like their cologne.

Here is one site that will give you some ideas: http://childrentoday.com/resources/articles/sexabuse.htm
You can find others by searching on 'prevent molestation' or 'prevent sex abuse'.

Always keep the channels of communication open. Let your child know that you will always listen to them, and then DO IT. Get away from knee-jerk reactions. And don't just wait for a child to tell you, watch his/her reactions to people. If your daughter seems to love everybody but doesn't like to be within reach of Uncle Charlie, there could be a reason.

Don't be one of those stupid parents who thinks they know everything. There are more than enough of them as it is.

Sue

Couldn't agree with Susan more on this, Blast.

Ah, I should have stated "trust them fully IN OUR PRESENCE." In other words, she doesn't have to hide behind our legs from them, she is allowed to talk to them, sit on their laps, accept candy etc... WHILE WE ARE THERE. To clarify more, I'm talking about these people are strangers to DD but not to us (friends, co-workers and the such), not random people off the street. I agree that even these people may harbor secret depths of evil, but I'm not going to keep DD locked in her room for her own safety. It's a balancing act.

In light of your and Susan's statement I have to ask. Do you not use babysitters or allow your children to attend school? If you don't trust anyone how do your children learn to deal with others? Or was it just my use of the word "fully" that triggered your responses?

-Blast

For me, it was probably the fully part. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would tend to agree with your stance on people who are strangers to your child, but not strangers to yourself. You can't keep your child locked away for life. It's just not practical.

We've rarely, if ever used babysitters (probably why we are strung out after 3 years!) other than my mother and one young woman we've known since she was born. And My DS goes to preschool, but he's always supervised by more than one adult there, so I'm not as concerned, especially when we can pop in at any time and there are usually other parents observing at any given time.

One thing I am concerned about is someone simply snatching him, or him getting away. But I, like you, try to use teaching moments and he seems to understand that he has to do what his teachers say. Glad you clarified this one...

Oh, and I know it's not right, but I immediately distrust anyone, especially men, who have put themselves in a position of trust with children. Wrong or not, I think it's the only prudent choice, and I think active involvement with your child's activities is the only way to mitigate the risk.

I think the biggest problem with this is most martial arts do NOT teach a person how do street fight. They teach an idealistic pattern of moves that do not easily translate to actual fighting. This was one of the problems Bruce Lee had with the state of martial arts in his day. The Martial arts teacher I had taught us street fighing and one of the moves he describe in a confrontation that he told us about was not very artsy.
The other problem is most kids do not have strenght nor judgement of what to do.
THe best defense would be to RUN.
cheers