Okay, to add my perspective as a delicate flower of a female.... I think that they are both lucky they weren't in a dire emergency.

The male in question seems to have acted typically of a preparedness junkie (maybe the stress of the situation made him go a bit overboard), but he probably thought that showing off his level of preparedness and go-to attitude would help his GF feel safe. For some people it probably would have, and the fact that this guy was willing to go as far as he could with his supplies FOR HER should be appreciated.

However, she was obviously in some serious distress from the day's events and maybe just needed to be held for a moment and allowed a good cry (or a slap in the face) rather than be shuttled off somewhere in strange clothes and carrying a 30-gallon Rubbermaid container between the two of them. It sounds like they were already in a secure location, so perhaps she just needed to mentally regroup and get her barings, and in her stress couldn't appreciate her BF's perceived "Gung-ho" attitude. Personally, though, if my significant other reacted to my help that way, or was that hysterical about a blackout, I would rethink my personal relationships.

That being said, they reacted poorly to the situation in respect to each other's emotional capabilities. But having disappointed myself once or twice during fierce storms and other emergencies, I can cut them both some slack and hope that they work on this. You never know just how you're going to react, but there is no place for ingratitude, whining, or leadership battles during an emergency situation. As a couple they should learn how to act as a team and be able to support each other.

Well hello there, Delicate Flower...grin...

May I say as a happily married man of almost 15 years (this December 28th), that I have managed to persuade my wife to carry a SureFire E2e with her every day.

This is in addition to the usual lipstick and cosmetics and such. Her cosmetics are HER EDC.

She also carries an ancient Wenger Swiss Army that her Great Aunt gave her many years ago. I keep it cleaned and sharpened for her.

But she will now ask me, prior to business trips and such, what do you think I should take. This would be in addition to her cosmetics. If the crapola hits the fan, her instinct will be to grab her bag of cosmetics, because, as she said, I wanna leave a good-looking corpse.

In other words, should she die out there, she's dying with full makeup on. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

In these situations, I make my usual reply: What do I know, I'm just a guy. Or, I'm sorry, I was handicapped from birth with a male brain. <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-- Craig

Craig, I'm a woman and will gladly eat humble pie anytime. I find it goes best with vanilla ice cream. Maybe that's because I am more than willing to accept when I've made mistakes, being just as human as anybody else. I can also take it full in the face when someone points them out to me. Refusing to acknowledge when you've done wrong, refusing to regret your actions, means you will not grow any wiser or be any better of a person.

Imagine if the couple in question was in a REAL emergency, and the GF, having learned nothing from her previous experiences and her attitude had grown unchecked, hindered the situation so much that her boyfriend got hurt trying to "save" her rear end? Would she go down screaming that none of it was her fault, that there was nothing she could've done to help him out? Could she live with that?

It is definitely endearing to see the things my husband does to make my life easier, but I am grateful for it and repay him in kind. Even if the GF from the story missed the message, she should be grateful that he was even able to help at all, and resolve to be able to take care of herself the next time she's alone.

Exactly. And women can see attitude like that coming from miles away. And we dumb guys will be saying, Huh?

-- Craig

Doesn't work. I've found the best way is to literally talk them to the point they can tie thier shoes, and give them a simple task to do.

I don't know. It sounded to me like he did attempt to decrease the stress by demonstrating that they had everything they needed. I don't think there's any way, from a second hand post of the incident from ONE point of view, to really gage just how out of line either of them were - I still take exception to some one who has made no effort themselves to criticize some one who has and who is helping them. As far as social skills go - they could possibly both use another go-round at charm school. Perhaps they're a good match afterall.

Well - you're right, I'm not married.



As a female I find this attitude to be both charming and repulsive. Charming in that you obviously want to take care of women and charish them. Repulsive in that it also goes some distance in infantilizing women as people who NEED to be taken care of as opposed to human beings who can, indeed, suck it up and get on with it. I wouldn't expect anyone to put it to their spouse in the blunt fashion that I did, but the end effect should be the same - a team effort. You both help yourselves and you both help one another.

Then again - I've never claimed to have shining people skills. I have very little patience with those who develop, as a personality trait (not talking about disability here) the aura of "Helplessness" and expect to be Done for.



No need to get personal.

Being a guy and therefore somewhat biased with thinking a little differently, there appears to be three broad types of female out there.

1. The type who is a princess (head in the clouds), requires her every whim to be met from the BFs credit card, and expects most things other than shopping to be done for them.

2. The type who is ruggedly dependant, is offended if a guy even offers to open a door for them and shoulders more than their fair share of everyday life.

3. The middle group who are friends and companions, feet set somewhat on the ground, tender but brave, glad to pull their weight with their husband. In other words part of a team. (or wanting to be)

Women are generally speaking, the more tender sex and although they need cherishing and nurturing (don't we all), if they are pampered and not encouraged to be partners, the relationship is sailing for the reef.

I like the type of girl who is tender but also happy to be up on the roof laying tiles with her husband. Mind you they are few and far between these days!

No offence to the ladies of the forum. It is just that our civilization doesn't seem to be making many of that model anymore. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Macgyver,
Yep they run the spectrum. My wife is somewhere in the middle.

Really - I think what the guy needed to do was 1)Give her a BIG hug when he first got there, THEN talked "OK, lets go get out some stuff", and do it calmly - then if she gave him the "your getting off on this" - the trick is to keep your cool "Yep, I am! I'm getting to rescue My Beautiful Lady in Distress" - What has he done? 1)Made a joke of it in a high stress situation, 2)Complimented her, 3)Changed the atmosphere. Then ask for her HELP "can you hold X, can you do Y" ,even if he doesn't really need that help - call it a confidence building exercise

Heck - last blackout, I had to remind my wife where the flashlights are (she and the kids move them around), I unlocked the garage, took out some chemlites for her (she forgot we had them), showed her where the batteries are, pointed out that the gas BBQ worked fine, that the POTS phone still worked, I hooked the scanner to local police and Ham radio freqs, and then I went to do my shift helping out with ARES. Secure the home front FIRST, then go

I pretty much agree on that. I would fall into the 3rd catagory. My BF knows he can count on me in an emergency as much as I can count on him. In the event of just a power out, he would hurry home, not because he would think I would need to be rescued but because he would know I would have a candlelit dinner waiting for him and it's his job to open the wine. I would rather be an asset to him than a liability. My daughter would be prepared but she wouldn't go the extra mile, she would stay at her house. So I guess she would fall into the second catagory, more of an asset than a liability. Now my goddaughter is a total princess. The only help she would be to anyone in an emergency, including herself, would be to give everyone a make-over. I'm still working on her. She would definitely come to my house in an emergency, or I would have to go and get her. Total liability. I think in any relationship you should strive to be an asset. The more prepared you are the less likely you are to panic.