I never called them fools or stupid. You assumed I think they are because of what I'd say. There are other explanations...

Sometimes, the police seem to want to let you go, if only you'll stop being an idiot for a few minutes. I know. My brother's a cop. Give them a plausible explanation that's not an obvious lie, act like you're "one of the good guys", and most of the time, you get to go one with your life.

So. It's not a weaponized flashlight. It's a gift from the wife, with the nifty lantern feature that allows light to come out while standing on end. Said with the enthusiasm of a flashlight nerd, complete with demonstration, discussion of pros and cons relative to other lights you own, recommendation for them to get one, they'll really like it! questions about their own lights, etc.

If you want to disagree about this, and whether you think it would work, great. But please... stop putting words in my mouth.