Although, I rarely need to do so now, in my 30 years in working in a laboratory, I have killed literally thousands of animals, primarily mice and rats, but guinea pigs and rabbits as well. In the early years, most were killed by cervical dislocation (breaking their necks) or by jugular laceration and exsanguinating (severing their jugular vein and bleeding them out to the point of death) now it is mainly with CO2. While in school, as part of my senior project, I compared standard laboratory detection of intestinal parasites with necropsy (animal autopsy) findings in which I had to kill dogs, both puppies and adults and cut them open to examine the GI tract. Not always an easy thing with which to deal.

I take no pride in having done so, nor am I ashamed, I did what I needed to do to accomplish specific tasks. While I did not pray for each animal’s life I have taken, I have, on occasion asked forgiveness, the skill in being able to kill as rapidly and painless as possible and to ask that the end, justified the action. While I will never know what effects these actions have had upon my spiritual and mental well-being, I feel I cannot dwell upon those negative things.

As any other EMS or medical provider on this forum can tell you, most of us have had to deal with the death of patients, both young and old and in some cases, literally in our hands. Some individuals are more affected by this then others and even those who can compartmentalize death will often have one or more events that get to the core of their very being. However, one must get beyond the event(s), if one wishes to continue to function.

As to your phobias, almost all of us have one or more phobias. I am afraid of heights and yet I am a member of technical rescue team, I have chosen not to allow my fears control me. Take small steps; work at first to examine why you might have these fears and then take small steps within your comfort zone. As many have suggested try fishing for a while and work your way though your aversions. It is not infrequent in confined space rescues, where one will experience the “wave of fear”, this is quite natural, taking a moment to slow your breathing down and allow the “wave of fear” to pass allows one to proceed.

Pete

I am thinking of reducing my weight and have more excercise. The added muscle strength and flexibility should be hjelpful in that regards.

Thanks for the ideas and insights.