I am afraid it is the old Mark Twain analysis in full swing.

"When I was 18, I was disgusted at how simple and ignorant my father was. When I reached 21, I was amazed at how much my father had learned in 3 years."

I've invested a lot of time and effort into trying to raise two girls into suitable women. The only real successes I had were the times when I could get them out of the house and away from their mother, where I could "rough handle" them a little bit. It was nigh impossible to exert sufficient influence on them while mom was around, for my Samurai voice would usually compel the wife into coming to their defense, lest their sensitive natures get bruised (funny how when it was Mom that decided to "educate" them girls, the fur would tend to fly a little. I reckon what's good for the goose ain't necessarily allowed for the gander in this here day and age). Anyways, hauling their butts up to fishing camp or to hunter ed class, where the wife wasn't so much interested in taggiing along, or if she did, wasn't so quick to give me the stinky eye in front of my peers, set the mood for some great parent teaching opportunities. Now I knew when we got home the tune would change, but while they were in my world, they got to see how everyone earned their share or did without.

Now that my oldest is in college, it is quite the thing to hear her singing a different tune when she comes home. Is that gratitude I hear in her meek and humble requests now? The best part is the 16 year old, who looks up to her big sister quite a bit more than she'd lie to admit, is taking notice of how big sis is treating dear ole dad now. Of course, me going to Baghdad had as much to do with setting an example for them kids as it did anything else. It has also quieted down the wife a little bit too. Sometimes the grown up kids need the most attention. I reckon being a man about my life has helped my wife find her appropriate place in the household as well, and thus my kids are towing the line more, too.

I ain't saying womenfolk are inferior to men. That'd be putting the bad mouth on all the rest of my family, which don't make no sense. Nope, I'm saying that the social history of my 40+ years was a darned good way for my parents group to cop out of all sorts of responsibilities and do whatever they thought felt good to them, and that included trying to rearrange the household so that no one could be counted on to lead, and with no one to follow, everyone was pretty much free to "explore" the possibilities of their own existence, which led to some pretty irresponsible behavior that past generations knew to be inappropriate, without having to go thru it first to find out why. I don't really care who it is that leads the household one way or another, so long as someone steps up to the plate and starts swinging. Only thing is society still more or less looks to the man of the house as the spokesman, even though that now comes with a healthy serving of guilt. That and I ain't seen example one yet of a single mom that could do a decent job raising a kid. I am sure and certain there's some out there, but none that I know. Conversely, if you find a single dad raising young'uns, you can be almost certain those kids know discipline and respect. Trouble is, I know of a lot of single moms, but I have yet to meet a man raising children by himself. I suppose that says something about our society as well. Given the deplorable rate at which single moms seem to be failing in their committments to raise decent, respectable youth, I gotta wonder who's idea was it exactly that said a man was less fit to raise kids than a woman was? I think we were sold a bill of goods on that one folks.

What should a young man know? If he's gonna be worth anything, he'd best know an old man worth his salt. If he doesn't, then he isn't gonna know anything worthwhile for quite a while. My sister in law and my nephew are two fine examples of why that statement is so true. Had it not been for my Grandad, I'd have damn near been another one myself.

I agree that a man is no less fit to raise children than a woman, I just wish more of them would step up to the plate. So congrats on grabbing the bull by the horns and being a parent. Your kids are very fortunate to have a dad who takes such an interest in their lives, much less one who even takes them fishing and hunting.

But how can you be so certain that a single dad would be any better at raising disciplined children than a single mom, when you admitted that you've never even met a single dad? And what about the deplorable rate at which men are failing to raise their children, by abandoning them and their single moms?

Their are plenty of parents, both the mother and the father, who could do better at raising their children with discipline and respect. A single mother may not be the "best choice" for a child, but she's all the kid has in many cases.

A lot has been said however, it still, in my mind comes down to what kind of person you are as a parent. Male or female - single or wed. If you are a good person and have the best in mind for your KIDS.... Not your own personal comfort or agenda. I have noticed that parents are looking to their children for approval when making descisions. At a certain point, we the adults, have to descide what is the best action for our children. I have also noticed that parenting has become a popularity contest. Competing against your spouse, your children, teachers, other parents. I would like for everyone to get the message that these children are going to be the adults in charge while we are in a nursing home hoping that they will make the best descisions for us. With that in mind, what are we teaching our youth?? Twist your brains around that one.

As in, they want to the cool parent... Oh, sweet light, I need to work on my sterilizer ray project. Need to get it into a portable, concealable projector, the satellites are too indescriminant.

Will there be a Keychain version for EDC? <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Maybe in high visiblity yellow?

Marc

Yeah, it's a shame so many men just give it up and move on. Then again, the court system hasn't been very kind to dads over the last hundred years or so. I suppose if me and the wife ever broke up and some judge told me that I wasn't good enough to be the parent, I'd probably chuck in the towel as well. Fortunately we never let it get to that. I made the stakes so high before we got married that it was gonna be worthless to let some judge decide what happens with the children.

While I've admitted I don't know any single dads personally, the ones I've heard of seem to fit my ideal. I am fairly sure that there's gotta be a good number that are just plain worthless as a parent, and still get the kids for one reason or another, and do just as horrible job as any woman could. Likewise, there's plenty of success stories out there of women raising decent boys (Jimmy Dean was raised by his Mama, and you never knew a more respectable pair of young men than him and his brother, so says my Grandma).

What gets my gizzard ain't whether its a woman or a man that makes the better parent. My belief is it takes both to really get the job done right. It's the arbitrary social preponderance that says a woman is automatically a superior candidate to be the only parent when separation is inevitable. There's been far, far too many court decisions that just automatically put the kids with a woman who was not as capable at providing for the needs of them kids, maybe financially, maybe emotionally, maybe other shortcomings as the father might be, and then to compensate for a bad decision, they force the father to pay for his "liabilities". That makes me want to wretch. It is wrong, it should never have been allowed to become a standard, and our society today is suffering at great expense because of it. It is also a big contributing factor as to why many young men shirk their responsibilities as a father, especially an illegitimate one, knowing full well they don't stand a chance in court of ever being a part of their kid's life. I can tell you, if my wife and I split up, and she fought me on custody and won, I'd likely put a bullet in her. That's what I told her before we got married, and I also said I expected the same from her if it went the other way. That crazy woman married me anyways. That's one helluva motivation to make things work out, don't ya think? We've been married 17 years now. I reckon when marriage ain't such an easy thing to get out of, you find ways to make it a success. Either that or you end up going to sleep every night with one eye open.

So the statement that a single mom is all that a kid has, for better or worse, in many cases is fairly true, but I wouldn't put it on the father so much as the state of mind of our society as a whole that this is now the case, and has been for most of my lifetime.

If we want better conditions for our kids, then lets make having kids a much more serious undertaking. Lets start imposing some real penalties on people who won't take the committment seriously, and let's be fair about it, so that one side isn't being run off while the other side gets rewarded. Lets get the parents of the kids that are having kids involved in this as well. That "free love, me generation" of the 60s and 70s has just about destroyed us, and the only way I can see we are gonna get it back is to take some pretty harsh measures.

This thread has reminded me that I really must write a large thank-you letter to my father.