[joke]
ATTENTION:
Please have a Government Issued ID card ready.

ATTENTION OUT OF STATE RESIDENTS:
Please have your resident state Driver's License or I.D. Card ready. You will be required to fill out a sworn affadavit that you have not resided in the state for more than 90 days, prior to the onset of the disaster. Please see the notice at the bottom of this sign

ATTENTION CITIZENS OF FLORIDA:

This area does not have any catastrophic damage that would have destroyed personal 3 day (72 hour) hurricane kits. Therefore, the State of Florida will charge Florida Residents for the following items for the first 3 days of this disaster:

1 5lb Bag of Ice: $1.00
1 24 pack of Water: $5.00
5 pack of MRE's: $10.00

There is additional $1.50 relief shipping charge per item, along with 6% sales tax. No credit cards or checks. Cash only. If you do not have cash, you may fill out a "Emergency Assistance for State Residents - Relief Supplies" form.

A failure to plan on your part, does not constitute and Emergency on the State of Florida, or any local political subdivisions

Sincerely,
(signature)
Governor, State of Florida


PLEASE NOTE: Under Florida Statue 123.456, "Emergency Credit for State Residents During Disasters" you are permitted to receive relief supplies within the first 72 hours, upon completion of a promissary note, from the State of Florida.

If convicted of falsifying information on this form, or failing to pay for the supplies you have received, a 2nd degree State of Florida felony, one or more of the following consequences will occur:

- The indebtedness of you to the State of Florida for a period of minimum of 5 years.
- Loss of all voting rights
- Inability to own, or have access to a firearm
- Ordered restitution, or seizure of personal property, up to 250% over the amount needed to bring you to justice. (Constitutional Amendement #34, and Florida Supreme Court ruling has ruled this is constitutional.)
- Ineligible for Police, Fire, and EMS services within the State of Florida. This includes State Trauma Centers and Medevac assistance, unless waived by the Governor. You will have the letters "DNRA" (Do Not Render Aid) tatooed to your right wrist.
- 15 years in a State Prison.
- Requirement to assist in post-disaster cleanup (Note: Water during this required assistance period will not be provided for free)

PLEASE NOTE (OUT OF STATE RESIDENTS): According to U.S. Code 123.456-01 Falsifying your affadavit of being an out of state resident is a 3rd degree FEDERAL FELONY. Upon conviction, you will be subject to the penalties as set forth in the U.S. Code.

[/joke]


Edited by ki4buc (10/27/05 07:59 PM)