Alwayslost:

I would go with "Yankee thug smuggles weapons", as you will get a lot more mail from women that way. From what I have heard, prison "roadees" can be intelligent, attractive, rich, and all ages.

Check the typewriter laws as I understand it was once illegal for private citizens to possess typewriters in Austria.

Tell them you know "GOV. ARNOLD" personally and watch the welcome doors fly open.

Bountyhunter