My terrible dark secret is that I love my family's traditional Thanksgiving/Christmas fruitcake.
Dark, rich, loaded with rum (or bourbon), molasses, candied fruit, raisins, and walnuts: moist, not sweet, but with a taste that keeps you coming back for more.
Don't know how long it would last---don't remember one ever lasting more than a couple of days before totally consumed, especially the ones I received while away at college. . .
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"Better is the enemy of good enough."