(my third try at a measured response:)

1. I guarantee that this will work as advertised if you purchase warranty approved wood from my woodpile (shipping extra).

2. I guarantee that if you replace "Physics-exploiting axe splits wood in record time" with "Sucker-exploiting axe splits fools from their money in record time" you will achieve a new level of enlightenment.

3. I guarantee that I will pick up one of these at a garage sale for $10 or less, in 5 years or less.