Read My Lips:{}

PEMMICAN ROCKS!!!!!

You will find nothing that fits the bill for your requirements better.

If it was good enough for Lewis and Clark, the Hudson's Bay, and a nation of native Americans, I think it will work for you and me.
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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)