If we ignore the inebriated idiots as they're largley beyond hope, the best way to do it would be to have it in a prepackaged kit. Package it similiar to a 72 hour kit backpack and stick Bear Grylls name on it.

Make it as idiot proof as possible, so no sharps or fire. Focus on staying put, warm, dry, hydrated, and signalling for help. Anybody inexperienced enough to need it is as liable as not to open up a vein or start a brush fire trying to stay warm and dry.

As an example:
Reference cards (S.T.O.P., how to use a whistle, compass, mirror, basic knots, etc.)
Basic FAK
Emergency suglasses
Poncho with blanket liner
Emergency pup tent/bivy sack
Lensatic compass (I've run ito a lot of people who are worthless with a baseplate compass)
Storm, or other big and loud whistle
Signal mirror
Foil packaged water (2 quarts)
Plastic bodied compact flashlight loaded with lithiums. Run time over output.
Hot packs
Granola bars