Go to the junkyard, buy a 2 foot piece of scrap spring steel for $5. Spend a couple weeks working it into shape. Get some scrap oak or hickory or maple or alder and whittle up some handles. That should about do it.
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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)