OK, just found out I am going to be a Dad and I have never been so excited in my life, but I dont have a clue where to begin. Do any of you current fathers have any advice for a newbie? Where can I go on the web for info? What books should I read? And of course, what cool gear do I need?

Thanks for anyone's help,

Garrett

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First off Congratulations. Hope future mum is doing well.

I suppose it's too early to know whether it's a boy or a girl, could affect you choice of kit.

Enjoy the moment I remember when my wife told me she was expecting, I couldn't keep the grin off my face for days.

Congratulations!

Garrett--

Congratulations to you both! I hope you both experience a trouble-free, happy, healthy pregnancy, and end up with just what you wanted--a normal, healthy baby!

There's much you'll need, and much you'll learn, but I'll only offer 2 bits of advice for now.

First, if at all possible, go to the doctor's appointments with her, including the ultrasounds. Chances are, she'll greatly appreciate your being there. Plus, there's nothing like hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time, or seeing him or her on the ultrasound.

Second, when you go to the hospital, be sure to bring a normal kit, including multi-tool. When my son was born, I had to use my Leatherman to fix the faucet of the sink in our hospital room. While I don't remember exactly what was wrong, I do know that we'd asked repeatedly that it be fixed, pronto. Hospital maintenance was less than responsive, so, being the self-reliant individual my wife married, I fixed it with the tools from my bag. I threatened to send the hospital a bill for my services... <img src="images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, yeah, one other thing: Take some food (for you especially) with you. Though our hospital had meal boxes made up daily just for the fathers, no one thought to tell me about it until about 1:30AM.

We'd started labor the previous AM about 7:30. The Dr. finally decided on a C-section about 7:00PM, & we finally settled down with my son around 1:00 or 1:30AM that night/next morning. One of the night nurses thought to ask if I'd eaten, & pointed me to the refrigerator where the box lunches were kept. I was quite glad to see that ham sandwich!

Good luck, & congratulations again!

David

Congratulations, Garrett! There was a thread a while ago that might be useful, although it was geared less toward dealing with newborns and more toward traveling with toddlers ... see DSK (Daddy Survival Kit).

And don't forget to get a bag packed for mommy for the hospital, so you can grab it when she goes into labor -- non-maternity clothing for after the baby's born, toiletries, pads for the bra to absorb milk leakage, Lansinoh, Preparation H, favorite snacks for her & you (especially chocolate if she's been avoiding it during pregnancy), earplugs & eyeshades if you won't have a private room, and books or other things to alleviate hospital-bed boredom.

Congratulations!
As has been well-covered on this site, the most important stuff is not gear, but mindset. A new baby's a joy, but also an incredible stresser. Expect you'll be getting a lot less sleep for several months, until your baby gets into a good sleeping rhythm. Expect not to understand why your baby's crying sometimes - you can exhaust all likely options and still not come up with a "fix." I found this very frustrating at times - I felt like I was addressing all possible concerns (hungry, wet, too hot, too cold need to be held) and doing everything I could to comfort the baby, so therefore the baby should be comforted and stop crying. Doesn't always work that way.
Also, expect a general increase in tensions between you and your wife that will last a while - people's tempers get short when they're tired for a long time, and it's very easy to unintentionally annoy each other. Plan on the need to expand your patience, don't rise to a fight neither of you really wants, and try to keep your sense of humor.
Use teamwork - if you're taking turns with the baby, you'll inevitably hit a wall where you just don't think you can stand it(the crying, being so tired, whatever) any more - time to tag your teammate and take a break - and be ready to take your next shift when called.
And finally, accept the help people offer. If you've got friends or family who offer to watch the baby for an hour while you catch a nap, take them up on it! Accept offers of food, offers of picking up groceries for you, whatever. All these things can help - just be sure to pass it along when other need it.
As far as stuff to be equipped with, I'd recommend a tour through one of the huge mega-baby stores (a flagship Babies R Us will work nicely). Go in, with your wife, with the understanding that on this trip you will buy NOTHING, and you are merely educating yourselves. When my wife and I did this, it was overwhelming, and we had this panicky feeling that there's no way we could cope with a baby unless we bought every contraption they offer, including (I'm not making this up) baby wipe warmers.
So, use this trip as a chance to see what's there, get a bit overwhelmed, then calmly try to figure out what you'll actually need.

First, I'd recommend you accept as much stuff as friends and family want to lend/give you used. Most stuff for babies/children's first years are going to far outlast the use by a single child. In the first year or so, your child will outgrow all their clothes long before they wear them out. Things like "baby saucers," gyminis, toys, etc., will generally far outlast the child's attention or their necessity. We found friends and family practically begging us to take stuff off their hands and clear out their storage spaces - and we were glad to do it. We've rotated several items from friends to us to other friends and now back to us with our second baby. That said, there's some stuff you'll probably want for yourselves.
--A squeeze bulb with a door in the base. If/when your infant gets a lot of mucus, this is really the only direct way to deal with it. The trap door lets you empty the bulb, while sealed bulbs will keep whatever you suck in and are basically impossible to clean.
--Emery boards/nail files. Newborns very soon have very sharp, razor-thin nails. I used tiny clippers on my son's fingers with good success, but the first time I tried it on my daughter, as careful as I was, I cut a bit of the pad of her finger. Save the clippers for when they're older.
--Of course, a good safety rated car seat. Advice I've seen is that this is NOT a good item to inherit as a hand-me-down. We got one that was a bundled car seat/baby carrier/stroller package. A base is strapped into the backseat and stays there, and the carrier snaps into the base, can be released when you get to your destination to carry the baby, and snaps securely into the stroller if you're going on a longer walk. Also worked very well for us with our first child - for a long time, we had trouble getting him to fall asleep for a nap lying down, but he would doze happily in the carrier seat, and we could put him into/take him out of the car and stroller without disturbing or waking him. Very handy. However, car seats are weight specific - as your child grows, you'll need larger seats. I consider this to be perhaps the No. 1 safety item for my kids.
--Carrying device. We've been very happy with the "Baby Bjorn" device. Some of the sling devices look nice, but I've found them to be uncomfortable - dig all the weight into one shoulder.
--In the early days (first several months), a "Moses basket" is a nice item - basically a padded basket for the baby to lie in, with handles to carry it by. Makes it easy to move from room to room with a sleeping baby without waking them - but not useful once the baby gets mobile.
--Mylicon. This is a brand name of an anti-gas formula that comes in a dropper bottle. Some persistent crying is due to gas. You should of course check with your pediatrician, and it's not appropriate at all ages, but we found it to be very helpful once we recognized the signs in our son. Good to have on hand before you need it.
--Pedialyte. Electrolyte replacement. We just dealt with a stomach virus, and my son was getting very dehydrated. While this wasn't the answer to the problem itself, it helped a bit - again, good to have on hand long before you need it.
--Activated charcoal. Neutralizes a lot of nasty stuff kids swallow
--Baby safety stuff - electric outlet blockers, doorknob baffles, toilet bowl locks, etc. Babyproofing is like dealing with a slow, yearlong flood. Dainty/breakable items slowly get moved higher and higher as the child becomes more mobile, taller, and more able to climb.
Anyway, that's my suggestion. Cribs, changing tables, etc. - there's time for all of that. Don't go out and buy a baby suite right off the bat - see what folks can help you out with. And a lot of the gear - outlet plugs, etc - you'll have some time before you have to have it.
Enjoy your baby -- most of the cliches about parenting and babies are true -- they change quicker than you can believe, etc., etc.
Take care

Dave

I had to change the time on the clock but it was bolted to the wall - Yup I broke out the LM wave and took it off the wall and changed the time.

Funny I forgot about doing that until you mentioned the sink.

Congrats Devil Dog. Believe it or not, your Marine training will pay off once the baby arrives. You will definitely use your "improvise, adapt and overcome" skills. I took my first-born son to a movie in Jacksonville, NC while I was stationed there and didn't take the required "support gear". Long story short, his diaper was full as soon as we got to the theatre. Luckily I had some clean water and some grease rags (clean) in my Jeep to do the job. His improvised grease rag diaper made it to the end of the show and his mom got a kick out of it when we got home.

I'm not sure how I pulled it off, but I was able to see the births of all 3 of my kids... not too easy as a Marine. They were all born in military hospitals and the care was first-rate. They were born in San Diego (Balboa), Camp Lejeune, and Camp Pendleton and each time brought tears to my eyes. Even D.I.'s shed a tear when their kids are born.

Good luck and enjoy fatherhood. You've been training your whole life for this!

Semper Fi,
George, CWO3, USMC (Ret.)

In addition to what has been mentioned don't forgot about the following:

Hospital - take a tour if available. Know the entrances and exits, where do you park and all that stuff. It will be up to you to take care of these things. You need to know where to go when you get to the hospital what floor etc.

Gear – don’t be afraid to bring the usually urban carry stuff it may be handy. Just have a good method to carry it all. I used a medium sized backpack and my wife packed her stuff in a wheeled suitcase. Make it as portable as possible, we moved around a couple times while in the hospital, you want to be able to grab and go. Don't take everything in at once. Breakdown what you need for labor and what you need for post-partum. You can all ways go out and get that huge suitcase after everything has settled down.

Child Birthing Classes – Get informed take a class, Bradley is in my opinion is the best class, do it soon, my Bradley class ran for I think 8 weeks. It is a real help to know what is going on and what you can do to help with the birth. The class will also cover what to bring to the hospital.

Small notepad – (should be in the urban carry stuff) It was very helpful in the hospital to write down the times of when labor started and other milestones. It’s convenient for writing down med’s, don’t depend on the nurses to bring you pain medication exactly on time. Call ahead so they are ready to bring it.

Camera/Cam-Corder – It’s a once in a lifetime event.

Congrats !! My wife has found a huge amount of very nice, namebrand baby clothing when she tags along with me to the local thrift shops. Found many new items with the original price tag still on them. Take advantage of whatever classes and tours the hospital gives. It's a good idea to visit the L&D floor ahead of time. You both should decide about who you want in the room during delivery. I know it sounds odd, but many people may want to be there.

Congratulations! Okay, get a copy of "What to expect while you are expecting", great book. I second going to all the doctor visits you can, really a cool thing. Don't count on using a camcorder during the delivery, most hospitals do not allow this for liability reasons. Once the baby arrives, tell your wife to sleep whenever the baby sleeps, trust us on this one.
Most importantly, enjoy that kid, they grow up way too quickly.

Know your hospital's policies. First daughter was born moments after arriving at hospital. I almost missed it because they wanted me to strip and put on a gown to be with her. I wore a flannel shirt with buttons. Took forever for Mr. Nervous to get dressed! Definitely dress in pullovers if possible!

Way to go, mate. Already have a lot of good "specific" replies here, so I will pass along the one bit of advice my dad, a wise former merchant sailor, gave me when I was obsessing about how utterly incompetent and helpless I felt with this new "thing" in my life: "Son, humans have been around for thousands of years and have somehow managed to thrive and multiply. You'll do just fine." And you know, he was right ... how do parents keep DOING that? <img src="images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Congratulations Marine! There's already been a ton of good advice given so I'll just second a couple of ideas that have been floated.

First - "Hand me downs" or second hand stuff. Big definite. Baby stuff is way pricey at best and outlasts 2 or 3 kids.

Second - The combo car seat/carrier/stroller. Used one for both of my kids. The convenience factor alone makes this worthy of consideration.

Pack a clean shirt for yourself in the diaper bag. No matter how carefully you place a burp rag the kid will find a way around it eventually.

Attend all doctor's visits with your wife. They're informative, fun, and show you care

Being a new dad can be intimidating and challenging but overall it's easier than bootcamp, it's even more rewarding, and the title lasts just as long.

Semper Fi,

Ed

Very true about the good and inexpensive baby clothes to be found in secondhand stores. It is probably because of an abundance of gift clothing for a new baby that either didn't fit and were outgrown before they could be used.

One important thing is to do your homework when it comes to buying the equipment you need for the baby. Be very cautious about the bed and mattress. In the last years safety has been a strong issue in that industry, but there are still a lot of the older beds and mattresses out there. They usually end up in garage sales and as handed down gifts. Be aware: Some of those old beds are poorly designed and are potential killers. The spacing of the railings seem to be the main problem, and ill fitting mattresses are a danger. I'm told that if you can slip a coke can (held upright) between those slats, then the railing slats are too far apart.

Really do your homework about car seats. Do NOT buy a car seat with a bar that drops down in front of the baby. Just think of the child hitting that bar in a fast stop. My daughter tells me that she had heard of instances where the bar split from the force and then snapped back catching part of the baby. (I cannot confirm this) You are just better off using recommended five-point seat belt system in the child's car seat. Also, BTW, you will need to start out with one type of car seat for infants and then go to another type as the child grows. More research, more $$$.

Another note on that: be careful about approved older/used car seats. The straps become fatigued with use. Like survival equipment, there is a lot to learn about safe equipment for the baby.

Oh...and... congratulations!

I'm no help here, just wanted to say congratulations <img src="images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Chris

OK, some more advice...

I'll second What To Expect When You're Expecting; it's a very valuable resource.

Also, DaveT jogged my memory about a couple of things:

Don't knock the baby wipe warmer. We laughed about one we were given for a gift (I think we actually got a couple.) However, both our children really like having warm wipes. The difference in their demeanor when we cleaned them up with a warm wipe & a cold one was incredible.

Used Stuff: If there are any near you, go to children's consignment sales & shops, and also, garage/yard sales (we like those anyway). Consignment sales are better for concentrated shopping for specific items--you'll pay considerably less, if you can find what you want.

Keep an eye out (new or used) for a Peg Perego "Prima Papa" high chair. Peg Perego is the Rolls Royce of high chairs (& some other lines, too), and they're worth every penny, IMO. They're very versatile. Ours is 5 years old; our son used it until about age 3; our 2 yr old daughter uses it now. We did finally replace the cover this year--but it's seen daily use for 5 years. We even take it on vacation.

Fingernail clippers: Get the baby sized, of course. However, we didn't have any with us in the hospital the first time, but I did have my Victorinox Classic SAK. My wife trimmed our son's nails with it (& I got pictures--you'll take pictures of EVERYTHING!!!), & insisted that I carry it 3 yrs later when our daughter was born. She used it at home for a long while, until they kids grew to the point where the clippers were practical. Now, she's made me retire it (it was EDC) because it's a keepsake, & she's sentimental about it.

Car seat: I agree; buy new. Designs usually improve, and requirements certainly change.

DaveT calls it a "Moses basket", though we used our infant car carrier, with a lockable handle, & called it a "baby bucket". Try out several, but look for 2 features: 1-- a handle that's oriented in the same direction the baby sits/lays, whether that means a "Z" shape, or a pivoting grip. Your wrist will thank you. Smooth inner sides of the handle too, are good--they let you slip the basket up on your arm to the elbow for a change. 2--get one with a docking base that you can leave buckled & adjusted in your vehicle. Get a second base for a second car--not another carrier. My in-laws even got their own docking base so we could transfer to their car easier. The "buckets" just snap & lock into the base, without you having to adjust seat belts each time. You'll save a lot of sanity with this.

Look for a ratcheting seatbelt tensioning device. They're great to make a solid installation easy.

OK, I'll shut up now. I just like kids--they're the best thing that's ever happened to us. It's truly an exciting adventure you're embarking upon.

Best wishes, again.

David

I see that there is alot of good advice out there the ones about 2nd hand bay clothes at car boots sales (brocante) is a must.

The advise about car seats, spot on.

When we knew we were expecting our first, one of the few things we bought new was a good quality push chair/ pram/ stroller. One chassis three optional seats as baby grows. First one a landau (baby carriage), this is more a bed for the new born and has served as such. Keeps the baby's back straight so my wife informed me and we used it until she was too big for it. Then we went on to the first seat which reclines so that baby can sleep comfortably. The third was a real seat which she's into now (she's 21 mths). While this combination at the beginning proved to be very useful it soon became apparent that it takes up an enormous amount of room. I have a Renult Scenic a great people carrier or a one baby carrier as all her accessories stuff the car. In fact now she's older a lightweight cane puch chair works well and we regret (a little anyway) our earlier investment. Which now resides in our basement. It won't have to wait long as were expecting number 2 in early August.

Some of the advise concern hospitals is good as well, especially about food. I believe hospital staff just assume that you know where the canteen is and don't ask you if you've eaten. That was my case it was only when they thought I was going to pass out that they asked, plus with the heat didn't help much, so take what you can, and find out as much about the layout of the hospital as you can.

One thing we've done which some may not have heard about is "Haptonomy" ( not too sure of spelling?) . Its a form of massage for the baby and the mother during the pregancy. It also has the advantage that it helps the father feel part of the pregancy. As the father can calm the baby when it starts to kick, some say it helps the baby understand that there is another presence than just the mother. I enjoyed yet it may not be to everyone's liking.

As others have said here, it's agreat advanture your embarking on, it is enjoy it, both of you.

One last bit of advice re car seats. Learn to install it correctly. About twice a year the local police or Sheriff's dept. offers free safety inspections and about half the people have the seats incorrectly installed.

Ed

So do I !! Congratulations !!

Garrett--

The ratcheting car seat tightener I mentioned is the "MightyTite". Here's a web page link to a place that carries them, FYI. We bought ours at Toys 'r' Us, or their dedicated baby store, Babies 'r' Us.

The device wasn't available when we had our son (who's now 5), but we've had one for about 18 months now for our 2-yr old. Her seat is locked in rock-solid, & is more secure than I ever was able to get his, without the device.

When you put a car seat in, put your weight on it before you fasten & tighten the seat belt. That will compress the cushions more, & help you get a good, tight installation.

Depending on your upholstery, you may want to put a towel underneath the seat, too. It keeps it from cutting into them, especially leather. Spread out, it can also be somewhat of a "bib" to catch the inevitable spills, too. (Though, in that case, replacing it means removing & re-installing the car seat, or carrier base.)

Ed's advice about getting "professionally" checked is good. I have a number of friends on the local Fire department. One, their safety coordinator (EMT & RN), actually went with us to Babies 'r' Us & helped us choose a safe seat, then helped us install it properly. If you don't know someone like that, ask around at your local PD or FD.

David

If you buy a new car seat and if you have a newer car (not sure of the date 2000 I think) they are equipeed with the latch system. Ask about it when buying your car seat it makes installing the seat a breeze.

First of all - Congratulations.

I have 3 daughters, so I have been through this a few times. You have received great advice from the members on the forum and have little to add. Like many, I subscribed to the idea that your mind is the best survival tool you have. That all of the kits, supplies and hardware you have are nothing more then the icing on the cake if you have prepared yourself mentally and spiritually through training and thought. Likewise, the best advise I can offer you is not what is; the best crib, book to read, class to take or car seat, but rather suggest you approach this most important stage in your life with love and awe.

Be happy-

Love your wife, and make sure she is the best friend you have in the whole world. Make your family a haven where your children can turn to in times of trouble. No matter how well or poorly they meet your expectations, make sure they know you love them and can always rely upon you. Whatever your religious beliefs might encompass, rely upon what strength you derive from that belief and know you are not alone in the world.

Be happy-

Every child is different, some will challenge your every moment of existence, and some will just fall naturally into the dynamics of your family. Some may be just like you, others as different as day and night, but all will change you forever.

Most of all – Be happy

Pete

Here's all the gear a baby needs:

Mom.
Dad.
Clean Diapers.
A Baby Sling.
A Britax Car Seat. (don't screw around with any others, I've seen how crap like "Evenflo" and "Graco" performs in an accident, you DON'T want it!)

You don't need bouncing, vibrating, beeping, whooshing, whirling doo-dads.
You don't need things the light up, make sounds, have "high contrast visual stimulation" and are "educational" . Children learn from life, not devices.

Also, you don't need a high chair, special dishes, cribs, oddly-shaped pillows or anything else. Babies need little more than mom and a warm place for the first year, quite frankly they don't know or care if they are living in a school bus or in a palace.

I have two kids, and for the first, we were gear-heads to the extreme, we've learned much since my second child - my daughter - was born at home, as planned. The main thing we've learned is that it's all marketing hype - the mountains of crud they tell you you "need" is nothing more than stuff they are pushing on you because they think they can. It's useless junk. Pick up the baby and provide comfort when it's sad, wrap it in a blanket when it's cold, and above all TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS - NOTHING ELSE. If it feels right, it IS right. If it feels wrong, it IS wrong.

Best of luck to you, it's great fun to be a dad!

Congrats, first time dad myself. My lil boy just turned 10 months. Its the biggest rush you will ever experience. Lots of great advice already posted. I did get "The expectant father" and "the new father" by Armin A. Bott, written by a dad for dads also talks about what your partners going through and how to help YOU deal with it. " What to do when your expecting" another great book. Congradulationson your new addition......... <img src="images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you all for the advice. I knew that I would get some solid info here. Things are progressing nicely, as nicley as can be for being just about 5-6 weeks along.

Thank you all again for the help. I am going to print this off for me to reference in my shopping trips to the baby stores!

Garrett

Enjoy the 2nd Trimester when it arrives...

1st Trimester her body is adapting to the new life within, complete with morning (or should that be '23 1/2 hour')
sickness, hormonal overload & mood swings, etc. -- at the same time, reality is setting in for you, and you'll
go through times questioning if you're 'ready' to be a father / ready to provide for your child (takes on a new
urgency when it's not just 'you two', but a new, completely dependent person enters the picture)

The 2nd Trimester seems to be nature's 'breather' for you. She's 'used to being pregnant' (my wife's words, not
mine), her body has adapted to the new demands & you've adapted as well. Morning sickness is usually gone.
Enjoy your last days as 'just two', 'cause once the 3rd Trimester kicks in, life's changes become apparent.

3rd Trimester. Things get bigger (your ab. as well as hers -- but hers will drop faster! <G>). Nights get
longer, with quite a few trips to the bathroom -- gives you a chance to get used to it, as 'midnight feedings' are
a misnomer, most newborns want to eat every couple of hours to start with! Nesting instinct will kick in,
and you'll be moving a lot of furniture around (if not repainting the room / house)).

Enjoy it all. You're only a first-time father once, and any future pregnancies won't be the same.

My first child waited until the day after Father's day to be born. She's been just as stubborn ever since!

kf