Yes, Doug is very busy this year, but the other reason there is no Survival News is more, um, delicate: Doug's contract comedy writer is currently serving 1-3 for his part in the famous 'Birdie In the Hand' Scandal - trying to fix the 2012 International Badmitton Championships in Aspen.

He was convicted of petty racketeering over the Net.

<rimshot!>

He should be out on good behavior later this year.