For me, plans in place give me peace of mind. If I know what is coming up I can deal with the variables better.
I've seen at work the difference between being proactive and being reactive against industry events, such as security incidents. Folks do much better executing a planned response than a reactive one - there is far less stress on people and far fewer variables to go wrong or random on you if you are guiding the response rather than reacting to it. A planned response with options is the best.
I deal with people every day whose personal disasters come suddenly - no one expects a house or apartment fire. My experience is skewed because the Red Cross doesn't often turn out when the family was prepared, by having renter's insurance (someone else to care for them in the event of this disaster), we turn out when people don't have renter's insurance or coverage for the event that includes replacing their food, shelter and clothing and getting back to where they once were. Most of the reasons for not being insured boil down to simple economics, no spare funds in the budget for insurance. Sometimes though its just denial, like it could never happen to them. They are totally reactive when standing barefoot on pavement with their vehicle a smoldering hulk in what once was their garage, with their clothing and kitchen, glasses and personal meds somewhere in the rubble. Emotionally they are a wreck, although usually they're operating on adrenaline and are in a state of shock, which can get them through the immediate disaster. I hear a lot of stories of victims crashing after we're gone, when the entirety of the event finally hits them. When all they have is a hotel room, and a debit card to begin to replace their food and clothing. At that point, I expect not being prepared is a fairly scary prospect. In the greater scheme of things, I would hope that folks could scrimp and save and try to sustain that $7-10 a month for renter's insurance that begins to provide replacement value, and do some other planning. One less pizza a month is all that takes.
Planning takes effort and a certain mind set. My Dad didn't plan for his end of life decisions. When he was lying in bed dying, it was up to the rest of us kids to sort this out, we'd never been down that road. My sister the nurse had a certain familiarity with dying and hospice, but it was too late to call them in - and she was an emotional nervous wreck, she couldn't express her views well at all. I'm no hero, but I stepped up and offered the difficult decisions - not to take Dad to the ER, not to put him on a ventilator, etc. To let him pass. In a family of 11, there were voices for every life sustaining measure. Dad had advanced Alzheimer's had been through multiple strokes, had not communicated with anyone for several months; he did not have any prospects for a quality of life following those measures, so hooking him up would be a comfort and an emotional benefit for the living, not for Dad. Harder still was what to do after he died. The assisted living facility helped with the basics - who to call etc. They provided abundant dignity for Dad. They had been through this before, many, many times. That helped, and helped my family begin to recover. But with a committee of 9 'kids' (actually all middle aged adults), it still took one to make the decisions, and again that was me, from internment to ceremony to the casket and all the incidentals. Dad didn't make any of this very easy, not before his illness had advanced, not by planning for his own care, nor for after he was dead. I suppose I took a lot of comfort from thinking, what would Dad want, and going with that as much as possible. He could have made it a little easier with a bit of planning, even a discussion with one or a few of us for his last wishes. Maybe he was scared, maybe he was shocked that he would be totally at the will of others, helpless, maybe he just waited too long. I won't make the mistake of not being prepared for dying, I've already got my living will outlining my wishes and directing competent people to follow through on my behalf. I want to make it a little easier on my family, my kids, and my wife if she outlives me. I remember though that through those 2-3 weeks of doing what I felt my Dad wanted, I was on cruise control, but when it came time for the memorial service, my family had recovered enough, I didn't play an important part, I didn't even speak at his service. I couldn't. I came away realizing my family is not terribly prepared for every eventuality, and sometimes those of us with a bit of a different mindset will have to step in and help out, and sustain us all through the hard times. That's ok, as long as the trial isn't too great.
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