You could always try the cargo shorts with suspenders route. Maybe even weave them with genuine 550 cord in alternating colours(I know someone here probably can) Deck them out with some fire steel pouches, a mini compass, a few other gizmos and "wham!" The coolest 63 year old on the whole block. Combined with your thong you never know. YOU could be getting a call from Cody Lundine to fill in for Dave Canterbury on the next season of dual survival.