Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

From my wife:
A blind man walks into a store. He picks up his seeing-eye dog and proceeds to spin the dog above his head by the tail, lasso-style. The store owner comes over and asks, "Can I help you with something."

The man replies, "No thanks, I'm just looking around."

And you have the nerve to squawk about my puns!

This is getting nasty!

LOL, I actually knew someone in college that had, shall we say appropriated, one of those signs, and posted it over his toilet.

A beautiful young lady is in the shower. Suddenly she hears at the door, "Blind man!" Thinking that it would be a thrill to get away with some naughtiness, she decides to greet the visitor naked. What harm could there be with a blind man?

"Blind man! Urh... would you like to buy some blinds?"

lol! Hilarious! Gonna use this one.

And now...a little British humour:


The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top.
After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit for their supper, returning with it ready to skin and cook.

Night falls. First up - the SAS.
They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" says the trainer.

Next up - the Para's.
They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour or so the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.

Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling the theme tune from Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is broken only by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Foxtrot One; suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity , they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you to do five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours. Night drags on and dawn breaks. Finally, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in scrapes and bruises, one eye swollen shut.
"Are you taking the micky?!?!" asks the now seriously irate trainer.
The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"All right, all right. I'm a rabbit!"

..............