Follow-up to the original post:

When I was in the military I was talking with Combat Arms Training dudes one day. I told this guy Ken that the only gun you need in Alaska when you are fishing is a .22 caliber pistol. He asked "why?" (of course). I said that's easy - When the bear starts to chase you for your fish, all you have to do is kneecap your partner. He almost wet himself laughing.

He told me later that he incorporated a version of that into his briefing for the folks going on assignment to Alaska. This guy was a great storyteller. He said he asked the class who was going to Alaska. He then told them the only gun they would need was the Beretta 9mm. He then told them why. He got'em hook, line, and sinker. He said it worked every time. It was the joke that kept on giving.

The two qualities of the ideal date:

Thinks positive
Tests negative

Northern Maine reports two seasons:

Winter and two months of darn tough sledding.

Road sign in rural Vermont:

Unimproved road. Pick your rut carefully--you will be in it for the next 12 miles.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

Winter? Do people still have them? It has been a record winter here this year, it is almost 70 to 80 degrees everyday! I feel cheated and my skis and snowshoes are very neglected.

A forum moderator was interested in buying a horse. Across the street from the horse farm was a bookstore which had a book he also wanted, one by the famous French philosopher Rene DesCartes. He didn't have all that much money, so he had to prioritize....

He got DesCartes before the horse........

I swore I would never contribute to this thread. The devil made me do it....

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says: "Hey, buddy. Why the long face?"

Two peanuts are walking down the street, and one is assaulted.

"A salted" for those of you who aren't groaning yet.

Hanscom - You bring back fond memories of my five years up there (Loring AFB/Presque Isle) in the early 80's.