OK, it's mid winter, no snow, and I'm bored. It occured to me that there must be some groaners (bad jokes) loosely related to survival out there. I'll start

Two guys, Moe and Joe, are getting ready for a hike in bear country. Moe looks up from lacing up his waffle-stompers and sees Joe putting on sneakers.

Moe: "Why are you wearing sneakers into the woods?
Joe: "If we are chased by a bear, I can run"
Moe: "You can't outrun a bear"
Joe: "Don't have to; just have to outrun you"