Thanks for a very informative and thorough post, Lono! I wonder whether you'd be so kind as to entertain two questions I have. They're psychological in nature, I suppose.
- Most folks are in shock, at least for a while. Everything they own has just burned up. They also enter the fire with every foible they had before it - drunk boyfriends, girlfriends on drugs, bad relationships. That complicates a fair number of fire scenes.
This may sound like a stupid question, but is a fire the sort of life crisis that tends to lead people to take a hard look at themselves and end the bad relationships, etc.? Or is this case by case as with most things human?
- neighbors who care are a beautiful thing. I say that not just because it can save the Red Cross a night or two of lodging, but a neighbor who gets out of their bed at 3am to console you and tell you everything will be alright is the kind of person to keep around. They'll take you in and keep you warm and dry on a cold and rainy night. They'll put your kids back to bed while the fire scene works through the aftermath. They give me a place to work out of the elements too.
If we find ourselves in the lucky position of being the neighbors rather than the victims, how can we comfort the unlucky, other than by giving them the necessities & shelter? Knowing me, I can just imagine saying stupid things that focus on the practical aspects, and totally forgetting about the words that would give them comfort. What do they typically want to hear, and how should we tell it to them? I am afraid that "it's going to be OK" (the first thing that'd come to my mind) really won't stand up "my house just burned down!"
Thanks!
Da Bing
On your first question (there are no stupid questions) - I don't know. I'm a disaster caregiver, my involvement typically runs 24-48 hours from the fire, at most. Other folks pick up and provide assistance after that. My actual job is to keep my time at the fire scene minimal - its 3AM, clients have just been through trauma, they're tired, they don't want to spend alot of time talking to a guy in a red vest. I don't have enough to go on to know what happens longer term, sorry.
On your second question, what I've seen that seems to work best if when a neighbor can look at their just burned out neighbor, and anticipate needs: because even though she's without shoes, she's not asking anyone for a pair, her thoughts are with her missing cat or her losses inside the home, all the family memories and memorabilia etc. If she's barefoot or in socks, bring her a spare pair of shoes that might fit. Offer to take care of her kids (sit them in front of a TV, volume low), bring coffee or a hot drink, give them a place to sit, other than a hard bench on the edge of the fire truck. And don't worry about saying something stupid - the Red Cross trains us not to say stupid things, but we often catch ourselves saying "its going to be OK" and "you're lucky you got out when you did". If you can think to say it, remind your neighbor that *you're* grateful that everyone got out okay, that because of that you know that things will work out in the long run. And about the missing cat, they're usually the first out the door or window, and hiding under a front porch or in the bushes until the fire trucks leave. Usually, but not always. So keep an eye out for missing animals over the next few days.
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