I'm sad to say that my dad passed away this morning. His health had been deteriorating the last couple years and the last one was especially bad. It appeared that maybe there was a crack in the clouds but on Monday he was admitted to the ER with a high fever. It appears that he may have developed pneumonia. In the course of treatment his heart stopped twice. His very dedicated doctors & nurses revived him but after years of fighting his body just couldn't take any more; his kidneys had completely failed and his heart, already weakened from a heart attack and congestive heart failure, just couldn't bear the strain of dialysis any longer. With no viable medical options and no chance of a decent quality of life, we were forced to conclude that we loved him too much to put him through any more suffering.

My only consolation is that there was time to gather the entire family to his bedside. He passed quietly in his sleep, surrounded by his loving wife of 43 years, three adoring children, his brother and his wife & many grandkids & nephews. He was ready to go, he just didn't want to go alone. And he didn't.

Dad was a life-long sportsman. He was a fanatical fishermen, expert handloader and crack marksmen. He was also an expert sharpener; I think his knife collection (which I will sort thru) contains over 200 very fine blades. Dad forgot more about hunting, fishing and general woods-lore than most people will ever know. His skin was weathered brown like old leather, and a roof never seemed to suit him. He always felt he was born a century too late. He felt the call of nature deep down in his bones. I sorely wish he could have breathed his last under a canopy of stars or standing in a stream with a fly rod instead of in a hospital bed.

Although Dad was hopelessly inept with computers he did love his buddies on the forums. You may know him as "udtjim" on many forums, or by his given name, Jim Babcock. No man that knew him ever had a truer friend and no son or daughter ever had a better father.

The pain is fresh and his loss will no doubt only grow more acute as it sinks in. I was never much for faith, but Dad was. If it's your way I humbly ask for your prayers for him. Please keep him in your thoughts. I know that he's not really gone; his essence will be with me and those who loved him, for as long as we live. I think I finally get that now.

I will close by offering a favorite poem up to Dad. Don't worry, Dad. I won't stand by your grave and weep. You're not in there, you're in my heart.

_____________________________________________________

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die



_____________________________________________________

Please accept my sincerest condolenses.

I hope and pray that he is in a more beautiful and peaceful place looking at you with a joyful soul and endless love.

The words you have written about your dad help us to know him a little, and I'm sure they make him proud.

My sincere condolences to you and your family. A few years ago, I too stood at the side of the bed with my family and watched as my father passed peacefully from this life. We all felt a profound sense of loss on that day. Eventually though, the pain is replaced by fond memories and an inexplicable knowing that death is not an end, but a transformation. I see my dad every day in my brothers, my son, and in all of the things that he loved.

In my family, we believe that the circle, broken now for a time, will be restored. We will pray, not so much for your dad, as he has shed his worn out body and gone on ahead in peace, but for you and your family.

May you too have peace and faith until the circle is again unbroken.

God must have needed another sportsman in camp. It sounds like he got a good one.

My sincere condolences. It's hard to really know somebody on-line but when you spend enough time you get a feeling about their personality and their character. My impression of your dad is that he was honest and generous. He showed great sincereity and respect for himself, his family and others. He'll be missed here. I know that pales in comparison to your loss but I hope you'll take a little comfort from knowing that his life made a positive difference for those us that knew him here.

Take care and may time do it's work in turning your sorrow into the joy of having known him and having part of him in you.

And now your Dad is in our hearts as well. My prayers and thoughts are with you, your family and your Dad.

Pete

A man like that never truly leaves this world. There's too much of him still attached to everyone he knew.
-Blast

My heartfelt condolences. Your father and your family will be in my prayers.

This is surely a grave loss to you and your family. Please accept my condolences.

Da Bing

Deepest condolences.

And that is a wonderful poem.

Phaedrus,

You said: "..I sorely wish he could have breathed his last under a canopy of stars or standing in a stream with a fly rod instead of in a hospital bed.."

Next time you look up at that canopy of stars look closely... and you will find your dad smiling lovingly upon you. He will be there always.
Shapes may change, but...
Life never ends, my friend.

My condolences.

Pharaoh.

Please accept my condolences, also. It is hard to let go of someone who is so loved.

Sue

My sympathies on your loss, Phaedrus. The poem is beautiful and such a wonderful sentiment. When I take Gidget for a walk this evening, the breeze and birds will have special meaning.

A friend in their sixties who lost their mom and dad observed that we're never too old to feel orphaned when our parents pass. I thought that accurately captured how profound the loss is. It has been six years since my father died (suddenly via heart attack) and sometimes it still seems unreal.

Best wishes to you and your family. And a prayer for your father: may he rest in peace.

Whatever you have to do to get through this, do it. You may come into the kitchen, a thought may come to your mind and you may end up on the floor crying.

When Dad died, I spent an entire week on my bedroom floor just coloring in my coloring books while listening to the radio. I was six when my dad died so you may end up doing something different. The point is, do what you need to do.

Jeanette Isabelle

Phaedrus:
After loosing my beloved, I found this of enormous help.
http://www.bereavementcare.org.uk/pdf%20files/Has_someone_died.pdf

The full site is:

http://www.bereavementcare.org.uk/free_leaflets.html


Take the time to read it through. Accept the advice that it gives. Follow it.

You are going to find the next few months enormously difficult. Loosing your Father is one of the most traumatic event's that you will ever experience. But you will get through it. It will change you, but you will come out of it as a stronger person.

If you want to talk, PM me and I'll drop you my e-mail address.

Regard's,
Leigh.

Phaedrus,

My prayers are with you and all who are missing this greatly loved man.

Thank you for allowing us to know your father through your writings. You have honored us and him with your words.

I, too, have lost my father. As others have offered, you are free to PM me if you want.

MoBOB

Thanks for all the support and well wishes. I truly appreciate it.

Phaedrus,

I seen your post on early Friday morning right before we left on a weekend trip. My condolences on the loss of your dad. Although my mere words I write here may not give you solace or ease your grief, but I want you to know that I thought of you, your father and your family while out hiking near this mountain peak on Saturday. As we sat there, I could not help but think that your dad would of enjoyed the view and appreciated the experience more then we ever could.

Teslin

Wow, he would indeed have loved that view! Thanks. I have the feeling that I'll be with my dad every time I venture into the wild spaces. I'm hoping my brother and I can head out to the woods to hang out with the old man for awhile next week.

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my condolescences.

I'm mentally preparing for the fact that within a few years (5 - 15? Who knows) I shall be fatherless, too. He's still going strong, but getting closer to his limit.

When my grandparents had died, my father said there was something really weird and wicked about suddenly becoming the oldest generation in the family. Not being a man of many words he didn't elaborate, but I think I can guess what he meant. In a few years I shall have to deal with it, too. I can't say I look forward to it - but it is how things are.

If there is anything I learned from going through similar experiences, it is that my relationship with my loved ones did not die with their physical death. My relationship with them is very much alive, and continues to give me comfort in times of difficulty, helps me grow and shapes me as a person, and keeps me company in memory. I gradually came to realize that a person's existence is so much greater than a pulse. It includes the lives he touched, the love he gave, the mark he made in the world. We can help nurture this spiritual existence by celebrating the gifts that the departed gave us.

I think going into the woods will be good for your soul indeed.


Da Bing

Our condolences. May you find the strength to endure. Take solace in knowing those who love him were there...we should all be so fortunate.

I wish I could say something helpful, but in times of profound loss, there is very little words can do.

Thank you very much, though for your very fitting words about your father.

HJ