I'm not sure that there is one right answer.
However, having said that, I have seen numbers published before on ultralight backpacking sites. The numbers vary a bit, but generally about 1.25" is the number I've seen.
Also, flame size and shape and pot width will make a difference. A smaller flame will need to have the pot closer. A larger flame will need to have the pot farther away. Basically, you want to avoid having flames going up the side of the pot which is quite inefficient.
HJ