You gotta understand, I am a complete wuss. It's laughable, and I'm the first one to laugh at myself about this. But I figure a pair of snake boots is cheaper than a shrink. Ideally, I'd like to find some whose tops will fit underneath the Wranglers I wear.

Laugh. Call me a total fraud, from the cowboy hat right down to the boots. Say what you will, but do they make snake boots whose diameter isn't any bigger than a pair of regular cowboy boots? I see all kinds of places selling 'em online, but how about in or near Seattle, so I can go try 'em on first?

By the way, how do I know when I'm in serious rattler country, as opposed to when they're just kiddin' around?

p.s.: It gets better. Other than a couple-a dead ones on the highway, I've never even come across one up close. But I think that will be changing, because I'm going to be spending a lot more time east of the Cascades.