Was it really written by a guy?
It would appear it was written by Professor Tom Chiarella who even appears to be a grown up.

Academics specialising in creative English writing, well what more can you say.
BTW do folks actually still purchase Esquire Magazine? Judging by the websites journalistic articles the target demographic must still be 16-22 year old males. I thought Esquire magazine would have died out along time ago along with Gordon Gekko, Crockett and Tubbs.