Meant drinking straw, but either use works.

Guantlet/vambrace for bite / knife defense

Turn short into long sleeves / pants

Cold or hot compress

diaper / "depends"

fruit / nut / berry knocker-downer [thrown]

gasket

toothpick

nail cleaner

broom

brush

Okay, THAT one provoked an "EWW!"

seat protector , yours and a vehicles

pocket protector

plastic bag / liner / heat sheet protector

Cutting board, sheath (folded or taped).

Armour!
The protesters at world trade summits have been using newspapers and duct tape to make arm guards, greaves for their legs and body armour capable of protecting them from police batons.

whiteout mask

wind chill mask

visor

ear cleaner

I have heard that freshly-opened newspapers are fairly sterile (at least of extreme nasties), and newborn babies have been wrapped in them when no blanket was available.

And that leads me to think they would make good emergency cold-weather protection for small children, even if it's just full pages with holes in the center, wrapped at the waist with a vine or cord. A hood or helmet could probably be formed, too -- maybe a whole-head wrap with just an opening for eyes.

I just tried the straw and it didn't work. It absorbed too much moisture at once and collapsed. Then I tried half a sheet of printer paper, and it didn't work very well, either. Pity.

If you manage to catch something that has any fat on it at all, try to trap any grease on the newspaper and hoard it for firestarting.