One problem that I am hearing about more with elderly people who need assistance is the care issue.

The primary caregiver (mobile spouse or other family member) often can't handle the feeble one without at least part-time help. The choice is between a $6,000/mo 'retirement' home, or live-in help.

First, they try the live-in or daily help. They pay minimum wage or $10/hr, and suddenly the primary caregiver thinks the hiree should do all the tiny little things that they themselves would (should) normally do for the feeble one (nitpicking), AND they want the hiree to do all THEIR housework and errands for them, too. None of the slaves wants to do all that, so they go through a lot of them, at least a couple a week. So, the spouse/family member says in-home care doesn't work.

Then they put them in the expensive home because they think they're getting better care, and are shocked that the care is no better than a State home, with bedsores, erratic medications, and left to pee and poop in the bed.

If people would use the few brain cells they've got, they would realize that they are hiring PEOPLE, not slaves. CHEAP is not the criteria.

They need to be realistic in what they want, so write it down. If the feeble person is tall, heavy and/or needs personal care, those are the main issues that need to be addressed. There is no point in hiring a 5' Filipino woman to manhandle a 6'4" man.

But if the feeble person just needs regular medication and someone to be around to help them out, fix a few meals and make sure they don't fall (or to call for help if they do), a little person would be fine (advertise for a 'companion').

If the feeble person needs fairly constant 24-hr care, the primary caregiver needs a full-time assistant to the tune of 84 hrs a week (total, probably two people sharing the job). If the hired people are paid $15/hr, you will get better people and keep them longer. If you are using a service like Catholic Community Services Home Care, and they pay $10/hr, give the good workers an extra $5/hr cash under the table.

And everyone needs to keep in mind that the hired care person is there for the feeble person, not for the relatives! You would think this would be obvious, but it's apparently not.

And if you have a family member who does have a home care attendent, YOU can still offer your services. You can cut toenails, give manicures and pedicures, do their hair or take them out to someone who does, take them out for lunch or dinner, pay for extra channels on TV, arrange for their access to the Talking Books program for the blind (or near-blind) [http://www.loc.gov/nls/], groom their pets or take them to be groomed, keep up the lawn and yard, etc.

Just because a person needs hired assistance doesn't mean they don't need attention from their family.