Interesting Marty,

My experience being similar to yours, though perhaps not quite as extensive, leads me to an opposite conclusion. There must be more to our existence than this simple life. If not, then there really isn't much point in most of what we do. However, I don't worry too much about what happens when I am gone either. From my perspective, the purpose of which I am just a tiny fragment started a long time ago, and will continue on for a long time to come; something like eternity if I read the manual right.

As for preparing loved ones, I figure that the wife was doing just fine on her own when we met, and is quite capable of going on without me; having recently proven so by spending time apart and taking care of her own needs without my input. The kids are grown and have pretty much learned what they need to get by. Anything more they get from me is just gravy now, so beyond that, I really think I've done all I need to. I have enough life insurance to make sure whatever bills might come up after my death will be taken care of, and they can all have a terrific party in Tahiti on what would be left over if they want, or whatever. Everything else is pretty much trivial, and taken care of by the will I wrote up. I am sure they will miss me, but they'll get over it.

One of my favorite quotes, which the girls have heard me cite more than once, "Everybody gotta die sometime, Red." 10 points to whoever can identify the quote reference.

Know the quote but never watched the movie.

Apocalypse Now

Hi Jeff,

I want to add a big +1 to your list, especially the personal list of things. I have a friend that I grew up with who lost his Mother a few months ago. Due to some family conflicts with his siblings, he did not go to the viewing or the funeral. I can't help but think that there will be all kinds of regrets in the future for him.

LW

You've got the right gendre.

Oh, man,the stories I could tell! I have seen stupidity take a lethal turn in more permutations than I can remember. Darwinism is, truly, a force not to be trifled with.

Who all missed out on the part about not combining drugs and alcohol with each other, not to mention any sort of motorized vehicle, firearm, or power tool? Plenty of folks, apparently. Moreover, all those warnings and disclaimers on various TV shows and advertisements about "trained professionals," "closed courses" and not trying it "yourself at home" are neither redundant nor unnecessary, believe me.

Also, the variety of methods that people utilize to enhance their "alone time" must be both quite impressive and quite effective, if the lethal strain on their cardiovascular systems is any guide. Let's just say that the late David Carradine was a rank and unimaginative amateur in that department and it's probably not how you want your loved ones to find your mortal remains.

(I cheated.)

Sgt. O'Neill: Bob, I got a bad feeling on this one, all right? I mean I got a bad feeling! I don't think I'm gonna make it outta here! D'ya understand what I'm sayin' to you?
Sgt. Barnes: Everybody gotta die some time, Red.

Platoon

Bingo! You win the 10 points. But since you cheated, they aren't worth anything.

He's not cheating.
He's being......
Resourceful.


Besides, if you ain't cheating.
You ain't trying.

Good questions you asking mister. Death is not something we think about...

I deal with death everyday. I walk into people houses and make decisions if we should try to resucitate or not and when to terminate our efforts. I see old and young, rich and poor, traumatic and medical reasons for death. Now that gives me pleanty of time to witness the family reaction. Sometimes it is as cold as ice, sometimes they are rejoycing in the next room becasue they know they got something coming, sometimes I have to set up baricades made out of POs because I know they will storm the body, sometimes they cry, sometimes they tell me such a bizzare thing I wonder if they are human, you can never tell...

Being young and healty doesn't mean anything. Having some kind of will always helps. Organization of personal records is also a must. Keep everything updated. ONce a year or after major change make corrections to your file. You have no idea how many times family brings us papers 10 years old and expects us to honor them. Funeral preparation for younger crowd maybe over the top. I believe in certain things and shopping around for a coffin is like inviting death to your house. But most important are burial money. That's always a serious financial hit on the family. You don't have to call it burial money but have something set for the dark hour. Words such as "I may not be here forever" are good words to remind people that stuff happens. You may go sight seeing in NYC and next thing you know you are on the bottom of Hudson river. Enjoy every moment you have with your loved ones and if you have something to tell them go ahead. Tomorrow may be too late.

But here's the thing for people with chronic conditions or serious medical problems: DNR (do not resucitate)/advance directives... Cardiac arrest resusitation is never pretty. It is basicly a violation of the body with invasive procedures, electricity and medications hoping that standard panel of drugs and effort is going to hit the problem that caused the arrest. Chances of you recovering from one are less than slim and chances of you walking out are close to none. Do you want to be that guy on a respirator, in the coma being kept alive like a vegetable? Prepare your family for that and discuss the advanced directives with them. Express your wishes.

Being around death so much changed me a bit and made me a more realistic person. I know limitations of human body as well as the course of a disease. I know what a car will do to you when it hits you on a crosswalk at 60 miles per hour. I do belive in miracles but they are few and far between. WHne you are gone what's left is your family and your accomplishments (debt/success). The first one will survive. The second one depends on you.

Part of preparedness is including this contingency.

My job is to make sure that my wife and child are safe and taken care of.

I would be lax in my job if I didn't have mechanisms in place to make sure they will be physically ok once I die.

They can't survive/cope/thrive very well if I leave everything in disarray.

Same is true for me if/when something happens to my wife or child. My coping ability is going to be severely compromised. The smoother the legal/financial transition, the less stress to contend with and the better my chances of surviving.

Plus, having your affairs in order is necessary for plain, old, non-fatal coping with disaster... finding birth certificates, house insurance, having to pick up and move quickly to take advantage of new job prospects or to avoid local deterioration (economic, social, armed idiots hell-bent on un-pleasantries). Having to pick up and fly to Mexico to bail the youngun out of a Tijuana jail, etc... You know, mundane type of stuff...

My blueprint for this is my in-laws. They packed up and lived in their motor home for a couple of years. Traveling where they wanted, when they wanted. They had to slim down the operating functions of the household so that it could be mobile and easily accessed. The logistics of running a household/finances on the move has to be organized and efficient.