"Son#1 (my only son) was then invited to take urine and hair drug tests and passed with flying colors."


Pardon me, but from the tone of your post, why do I think that "invitation" was not voluntary?

Did he volunteer to take a test or did you compell him to do so?

Please do not misunderstand me here, I understand how betrayed you feel, but from both an ethical point of view and in terms of the basis of trust between you and your son that concerns me.

Well, there's always a choice. You can tell the kid that he can take the drug test or he can talk to the police, eat nutriloaf for every meal (if it is good enough for inmates, it is good enough for an undisciplined teenager), and basically lose all his other privileges. However, I believe that any parent worth his salt would be able to persuade his child to do the right thing, and any that aren't probably won't care what their kid does enough to make the effort anyways.

Any friends or acquaintances that my girls had growing up (or even the ones they have now) know full well never to cross me, I don't play fair, and I have a lot more experience at it than they do.

Right on. My kids are 8, and I'm taking notes. I have no problem whatsoever not being my children's "friend"... Whoever they end up dating, I guarantee I won't be their friend, that's for sure.

Ah, you can do anything you want - if you're willing to pay the price. I would have had a simple answer - the next time the son did drugs, I would have called the police and asked for him to be arrested - I also would have spent more time in jail for telling the Judge what I thought, in no uncertain terms

Drug tests are not voluntary inside my house. My son (17) and daughter (13) have known from the time they were old enough to understand that random drug screens would occur as a mater of business.

I have always told them (and followed thru) that if I test them, everyone in the house tests at the same time.

Sorry if that ruffles anyone's feathers, but I am basing that policy on the childhood I lived. Don't like it any way... Tough.

he is 18. never a custody issue

Best to nip any problem right at the onset... And a great deterent to boot!

Ok, fair enough. At least your even handed about it. But exercise caution, particularly once they both become legal adults. Being sued for libel by your own children would be embarrassing to say the least.

Why would he be sued for libel once they become adults? He has merely implemented his right as a parent to require and prove they are willing to abide under a set of rules for living in the parent’s house.

My wife and I have a set of rules that both our minor child and our middle child who is an adult currently living at home are expected follow. Violation of the rules will result in some form of sanction. For our minor child, she will lose privileges. In fact, she is currently grounded until the end of the school year and had her texting privileges removed from her phone. Our adult child who currently lives with us knows she can either adhere to the rules or find her own place to live.

Pete

I have always told my kids since they were old enough to understand. Under penalty of death, you do not drink, do drugs or have sex until after you are 21. I have been thanked many times by them for this policy. Others may have gone down in flames but not them. They have seen it first hand and yet remained safe and sound.