---What I do when lost---

I yell, "HELP, HELP, HELP" (Rule of 3's right)

Then I cry uncontrollably for a few hours leaning up against something. Big crocodile tears, runny nose, wailing, the whole thing.

Then I take off all my clothes so I can die of hypothermia because there is no way I am going to be found in time.

As I throw the last of my clothes in a pile, I realize I have an ACR Microfix in my pocket. AHA SAVED! I press the button and wait.

Security escorts me from Costco before SAR arrives.