We all pride ourselves on our ability to make shelter, fire and to find food and water. We stock up and prepare for the worst, just in case. These skills, very valuable, are not utilized often.

We deal with people everyday (most of us anyway) and will have to in a survival situation as well. Whether we are rescuing a stranded motorist (however stupid he may be), diagnosing an ailment, negotiating a trade or defusing a hostile situation, we will have to interface with people. There are very definite, teachable skills for doing this and they are taught to law enforcement and elements of DOD.

I have attended several courses on interviewing, interrogation, verbal communication and nonverbal communication, elicitation and counter-elicitation, and negotiation. I know that these have helped me every day, even in dealing with my kids.

I believe that anyone who deals with people can benefit from these skills, and that they can be considered a survival skill in many situations.

What are your thoughts?

A personal opinion...

For many of us I think skills like these will turn out to be THE survival skills if/when truly large scale disasters strike. The "Grizzly Adams" approach of living in the woods appeals to our macho psyche, but the reality is that throughout human history man has never faired well alone.... never.

We are a social animal and our god-given gifts are all tuned towards succeeding in a cooperative way. We don't see/smell/hear/run/leap etc as other animals. But we have the most advanced brains and communications capabilities.

Food for thought,

Sincere interest is probably one of the most effective communications tools I've ever dealt with. In a crisis situation where you may have to depend on the good will of others, I've found that being able to convince potential helpers that giving you aid is somehow a good thing and a worthy effort is invaluable.

It astonished me that so many US Ex-patriates working in Iraq seemed indifferent to their Iraqi co-workers. I always felt that the ones I got to work with would prove to be a tremendous asset to me if something unexpectedly severe occurred over there. I made a constant effort to convey to them a strong sense of care and concern, and did a great deal to treat them as special and important people. I started learning their language, I gave them extra money and tons of goodies, including healthy food and medicine. I argued on their behalf with upper management to improve their pay, work conditions, and security. I put them in charge of important tasks and helped them to learn the necessary skills to be successful. All this was reflected in how they treated me in return. I was invited to join them for meals, they would bring me things of interest and information they didn't share with other Americans, and they would talk to me about their personal lives and what they believed, and we could discuss religion and politics and not offend each other.

You don't gotta stick you neck out for everyone, but it seems prudent that where your well-being is at risk you invest a little effort in be-friending those around you that might make the difference between getting out alive or not at all. BTW, I did the same with our South African security group. I was the only ex-pat in our compound that would get special items shipped in from the wife just for them as well. SA ex special-forces find Oberto Beef Jerky far superior to their bil-tong. A case a month ensured that they all pretty much knew my name and who I was. That was money well spent in my book.

Excellent point. In business, communication skills are the primary factor that will determine your level of success. I have no doubt it applies to everything else in life too.

Here is a great resource:

How to win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-In...2771&sr=8-1

Great point Montanero. I completely agree. Do you know if a civilian can attend some of those courses?

benjammin, I glad some people out there are reaching out and engaging the local people. I've traveled/worked/studied a lot in Central and South America and examples of "Ugly Americans" are everywhere. And just like stereotypes of any kind the extreme is what sticks. One jerk can ruin it for everyone else.

Not to get to political, on a recent trip to Eastern Europe I was talking with a guy on a long bus trip. He said he was always surprised to meet Americans because they never seem fit the stereo-type his culture has for us. In general (in that particular part of Europe) it is assumed that Americans are all rude, rich, cowboys who don't care about anything but sex, money and oil.
We spoke about US foreign policy, and I had to point out that most citizens (of any country) don't agree with everything their government does.

Concur 100% with your ideas; great topic.



Can you elaborate on this training? Can you point to publicly available references that are in line with what you learned there?

Here is one that I attended which anyone can attend. It is primarily geared toward law enforcement, but many people go to it. It teaches the nuts and bolts of effective communication, both how to communicate with others and how to keep them communicating with you.

http://www.analyticinterviewing.org/

People the world over are much more alike than not. We all have our preconceived notions, but they rarely hold true when faced with reality.

Dale Carnegie's book is the one to read if you have no others. There are others and I will look for titles. Having an understanding of how the human brain works helps. Dr. Paul Ekman has done a lot with reading facial expressions; and if you can read those accurately, you can know when someone is hiding something. Here are his two principle works:

http://www.amazon.com/Emotions-Revealed-...8507&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Telling-Lies-Marke...8507&sr=8-4

Here are some other books on the subject. They help understand how people make decisions, how the press influences you, how to try to get people to do what you want them to do and how to resist this type of influence. Understanding the techniques is like an inoculation against other people's influence. Obviously these techniques can be used for other than good intentions, but they are critical for accomplishing things as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Age-Propaganda-Eve...8701&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Wide-Open-Neu...8728&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Blink-Power-Thinki...8749&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Sources-Power-Peop...8775&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Memory-Enhancing-T...8829&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/True-Believer-Thou...8876&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Resistance-Persuas...8918&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Covert-Persuasion-...9069&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psycholo...9187&sr=8-1

As far as the training is concerned, it focuses on keeping the subject communicating to you, and that means reducing hostility, building trust (yes even when interrogating a terrorist) and making the subject feel that he can depend on you. It also emphasizes detecting deception. Understand that there is no such thing as a lie detector. Not a mechanical device nor a human one. You can detect when someone is concealing something and with proper interviewing (communicating) you can drill down to what it is. You can also help someone remember things which they would not otherwise come out with in the interviewing process. Little details which might remain hidden or things which they could not otherwise determine the relevance of.

Some of the courses last for weeks and some are just a couple of days.

I think that interpersonal communication may be a dieing art. In todays world more and more people do their "talking" via a computer, the internet, cell phones, and texting. Taking face to face to a real live person seems to be a real challenge to some of them. We are great for just BSing with people in the checkout lines of a store. Talking to a person who has just gotten off of the cell is harder and harder to do, they get an embarrassed look on their face, ignore us and everyone around them, and usually get back on the phone...

A few more endorsements...

+1 for Dr Cialdini. The Influence books are some of the best books for those looking to put structure/substance to things that we all sort of knew but could never quite put into words. For the record, he may be perhaps the single most boring personal speaker (his delivery is sooooo dull) but the substance is pure gold. If you don't like the book(s) try the audio CD but be warned, the first 20 minutes are BORING but stick with it. Worth every minute and you'll find yourself saying over and over "Aha! that's why that worked".
{{Side note: Montanero, Cialdini is pretty obscure compared to the big names out there. Clearly you've done a lot of work in this area.}}

I'm also a big Stephen Covey fan. Some of the his thoughts on interpersonal skills are simply spot-on. My personal favorite being his thoughts on working to first understand before being understood. I can't tell you just how powerful that concept is in the real world (and business).

Finally, there are two quotes I've found helpful over the years. Both come out of some serious sales training programs but I've found them to applicable to life in general...

- "People buy on emotion, and justify with reason" Why many of us want to disagree with this, it's often very very true. We "feel" a certain way about something, then look to justify those feelings with logic. The lesson here being if we only address the rational side, people will often still be very resistant to change/acceptance.

-"People won't remember what you say, they may remember what you do, they WILL remember how you made them feel". Clearly this quote is not to be taken literally. But the truth behind it is undeniable. Ask yourself, deep down inside, why you feel the way you do about people you've met. Beyond the word they kept (or broke), beyond what they did (or failed to), it's how those things made you feel. Important (or betrayed) for example. {{ The beef jerky example above is this concept in action. The jerky was no big deal, how it made those folks feel was }}

I know this is a rather squishy topic for a survial forum. But you just may find this way of thinking and focus on interpersonal skills will be one of the most valuable EDC's you can have.

Hope this helps,