Amen. My Mom died in January. It was a long time in coming, since she was declared terminal on several different occasions beforehand. But she lived a full and rich life, and enjoyed it right up until her final heart attack and hospitalization.

She had hoped to die at home quietly, with me, and I had hoped she would pass peacefully in her sleep at my home, instead of in a hospital. But that was not to be. Instead, she staved off her death for more than a week, until her family could come come and visit from all over the country. She and I knew the truth without having to say it, but she put on a very brave front for their sake. She was even able to see her first great-grand daughter, since I was able to get her into the ICU against hospital rules (babies and young children are banned from most ICUs for the quite legitimate reasons that they are both notorious spreaders of infections dangerous to the critically ill and they are extra-susceptible to the dangerous contaminants unavoidably lurking in ICUs).

My wife, the greatest blessing of my life, practically lived in the hospital night and day, refusing to let my mother ever be alone. She did the same during my mother's other hospitalizations, and visited daily whenever she was in a nursing home for recovery. She basically left only when I or other family members could be there. She knew the score.

But when they all had good long visits and had to return home, she waited for me to visit her alone. Then she told me that it was time for her to go, and then died in peace, with me at her side, as she had wished. I believe she endured longer than she would have otherwise for her children's sake. She was kind like that, always putting others first. Her final act was to donate her tissue, to help others, such as burn victims like herself.

She asked to be cremated without ceremony, and to have her ashes scattered in the CA Redwoods. Because of our large family's busy schedules, it wasn't until August that we could all gather together to remember her and scatter her ashes.

This lapse of time turned out to be a very good thing. It allowed us to mourn her with our own families first, and when we all finally gathered together, we were able to celebrate her life and truly enjoy being together, instead of merely mourning together. It was a huge party of family and friends, able to be joyous and remember everything good, without the burden of immediacy of grief.

I would encourage anyone to consider delaying a memorial service for that reason.

Jeff

Entirely morbid, but fascinating.

I suppose I hope to drift away to sleep somewhere on the water, happy after catching and releasing a few fish.

My first thought is to go out like the guy I read about in the paper.

Story says that a woman walked into a police station, placed a 'large caliber handgun' on the desk and reported that she had killed her husband.

Seems he had insisted that she carry the gun for protection. Anyway she comes home early and finds him in bed, at maximum connubial percuspance, with two women. He was facing away from the door. The first he was aware of a problem was when some portion of his brain hit the wall in front of him. As I remember it she shot him in the back of the head and neck area three times. After which she turned herself in at the police station.

By the time the police arrived the two women had fled the scene.

At a superficial level it has a lot going for it. There is, of course, the implicit joke about coming and going. Not necessarily a great joke. Also good odds it was quick and painless. And he was doing something he loved.

It also makes for a very lively, if not necessarily an open-casket, wake and funeral. You can count that your death will be talked about for a great many years and turn you into something of a local celebrity. Granted a posthumous award and infamous way to go but for going out with memorable style and a bang it is high on the list.

On the other hand I really don't think I care if I go out in style and in a way that will go down in local history. And if I'm cheating on my wife I certainly don't want her to end up in jail if she ventilates me while I'm long stroking the alternates. If she plugs me I would prefer the police pat her on the back, wipe away her tears and give her a stern warning about discharging a firearm in city limits. That sounds more like justice to me. But that isn't how the law works.

In the end I think the best i can ask for is to die in a quick and painless manner with a minimum of mess. No broad gestures. No celebrity. No greater theme or message.

Brained by the boom during a ill timed jibe, knocked into the sea where I drown unconscious. Consumed by sharks and crabs the body never recovered. The boat found in good shape sailing on its own. As good a way to go as any I guess.

Being at ground-zero for a nuclear weapon and instantaneously vaporized would also be good. Even if it is dramatic.

Less assured to be quick and painless I was there when a 78 year old man died with his family around him. He played with his grand kids and felt tired. The kids were shuffled out and then with his family around he quietly died. More like drifting off to sleep really. The familial togetherness theme has a lot going for it. As long as it doesn't get too maudlin.

Sorry. I had some dental work this morning. I don't handle drugs well. It seems to have made me verbose, maudlin and a bit morbid.

Jeff

Ironicly, I sit in the hospital watching my mother wane as I write this. She was admitted saturday for hemmraging from, well where woman normally bleed. She has been diagnosed with cancer of her endometrium (uterine cancer). Because of her diabetes and cardio/respatory disease she is not a candidate for surgery. Now all of this "shouldn't" be a concern, its still containable or treatable with localized treatment, but since she's been here she's lost all motor functions and is in constant and severe pain thru out her body. Doctors don't know what wrong and so far can't figure it out. I'm tired of telling my mom I can't shoot her to stop the pain.....
Sorry for being a downer guys, we are christan and death would be a welcomed release. Me and my brother have already signed the DNR paperwork. I hope to die fast and furious, not this lingering hell she is living thru.

-Bill Liptak

As a reincarnationalist, I look upon this topic as a grander version of, say, buying a new car or changing hair style. Say about on par with buying a house, or (if you'll forgive the pun) a farm.

Part of me wants to die at 120 from the actions of a jealous 30 year old husband.

Or maybe something memorable and honorable.

But honestly, I'm not exactly making an appointment.

As for what to do with the hardware once I've migrated the software... Cremate it, spread on the driveway in a slippery spot in winter.

Old saying: Cemeteries are full of "indispensable" men.

On a somewhat related note: Attorneys sometimes have faced requests from clients that their pets be put to sleep after their death, because the client doesn't think Fluffy of Fido could bear living after they are gone.

It's a bit awkward to explain that their beloved pet will do just fine without them.

Personally, I'm just a bit more concerned about where I'll be AFTER I die, rather than where I was before I was born. But that's a Christian thing.

Jeff

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your Mom and your family. Feel free to contact my off-list if you need to talk, vent, pray, ask questions, or whatever.

Jeff

"...she shot him in the back of the head and neck area three times..."

Wow! Considering that the first shot was probably at a moving target, that is good grouping!!!

I am so sorry, and I too hope that the end comes quickly...