Amen. My Mom died in January. It was a long time in coming, since she was declared terminal on several different occasions beforehand. But she lived a full and rich life, and enjoyed it right up until her final heart attack and hospitalization.

She had hoped to die at home quietly, with me, and I had hoped she would pass peacefully in her sleep at my home, instead of in a hospital. But that was not to be. Instead, she staved off her death for more than a week, until her family could come come and visit from all over the country. She and I knew the truth without having to say it, but she put on a very brave front for their sake. She was even able to see her first great-grand daughter, since I was able to get her into the ICU against hospital rules (babies and young children are banned from most ICUs for the quite legitimate reasons that they are both notorious spreaders of infections dangerous to the critically ill and they are extra-susceptible to the dangerous contaminants unavoidably lurking in ICUs).

My wife, the greatest blessing of my life, practically lived in the hospital night and day, refusing to let my mother ever be alone. She did the same during my mother's other hospitalizations, and visited daily whenever she was in a nursing home for recovery. She basically left only when I or other family members could be there. She knew the score.

But when they all had good long visits and had to return home, she waited for me to visit her alone. Then she told me that it was time for her to go, and then died in peace, with me at her side, as she had wished. I believe she endured longer than she would have otherwise for her children's sake. She was kind like that, always putting others first. Her final act was to donate her tissue, to help others, such as burn victims like herself.

She asked to be cremated without ceremony, and to have her ashes scattered in the CA Redwoods. Because of our large family's busy schedules, it wasn't until August that we could all gather together to remember her and scatter her ashes.

This lapse of time turned out to be a very good thing. It allowed us to mourn her with our own families first, and when we all finally gathered together, we were able to celebrate her life and truly enjoy being together, instead of merely mourning together. It was a huge party of family and friends, able to be joyous and remember everything good, without the burden of immediacy of grief.

I would encourage anyone to consider delaying a memorial service for that reason.

Jeff