Same here. My mother outlived her physicians' expectations by many years and survived many "fatal" medical emergencies.

Several years ago, she was living independently in her own home, albeit with significant heart disease, diabetes and some mobility problems, with with financial and practical assistance from my dear sister who lived nearby. She flew out here to FL to visit me several years ago, and fell ill.

Long story short - after being comatose, referred to hospice for imminent death and being determined to be medically hopeless, and after about two years of aggressive hospitalization and rehabilitation, she recovered from her "irreversible" coma and regained ALL of her mental faculties, but was left wheelchair bound, physically and medically fragile and partially blind. She also later suffered more heart attacks, an episode of severe respiratory failure, and even second and third degree burns to her thighs, buttocks and perineum caused by spilling a large pot of boiling water into her lap.

First lesson here - She lost her health, independence, home, ability to walk and to care for herself, to her, virtually overnight. But she never complained, never gave up, kept striving to do as much for herself, and for others, as she could and lived her life to the fullest degree she could, never becoming bitter or angry, and always counting her blessings. She was TOUGH, and faced her hardships with dignity and grace.

Many doctors and others urged me to place her in a nursing home because of her complex medical needs. But her mind was fully intact and vibrantly alive, and I had the flexibility in my schedule and the medical expertise to care for her in my home. My wife was also tremendously helpful and welcomed my mother into our home, with all the demands, expenses and difficulties that entailed, with a kind and loving heart.

Nonetheless, it was exceedingly difficult, time consuming and stressful, and I eventually paid a price financially, professionally and in terms of own health. I could not have done it if I wasn’t medically qualified, or if I’d had a more traditional work schedule. Moreover, if I’d had small children to raise, a less than totally supportive wife, or if my mother’s mental state was worse, it would have been impossible.

We went through a somewhat similar experience many years ago, when my mother in law survived a massive brain tumor physically intact but mentally impaired, and many of my wife’s relatives were bitterly critical and even cruel, while, mind you, never actually lifting a finger themselves to help.

I would never judge anyone for their decision to place a loved one in long term care. Indeed, in my experience, the more common failing is not doing so when the family can no longer offer adequate care themselves.

Jeff